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Band 5.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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In the modern lifestyle, some children engage in their smartphones for whole days. There are several reasons in relation to
this
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behaviour
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, which should be considered. In my opinion,
although
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it
Correct pronoun usage
there
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 would be both positive and negative consequences, the advantages outweigh the disadvantages. Involving young people in their
cellphones
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cell phones
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 has various reasons these days.
Firstly
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, sometimes they don’t have other options because of working parents
that
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who
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 do not have any free
time
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 for physical activities .
Secondly
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,
due to
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 the new school curriculum, many assignments and extracurricular activities are done by digital devices like smartphones so they have to do their homework with these kinds of devices.
Finally
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, online games nowadays are more popular among juveniles, and because of the interesting nature of these entertainments children often stick to the screen and lose
time
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 spent. There are numerous effects of
this
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behaviour
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 on children’s lives that must be considered. A variety of gaming apps have problem-solving approaches that may help to develop cognitive and intellectual skills in adolescents .
Furthermore
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, they can improve their educational level by studying free online resources
such
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 as YouTube tutorials and the Udemy website.
On the other hand
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, lack of physical activity and a sedentary lifestyle may lead to obesity, which is harmful to youngsters’ health.
In addition
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, aggressive
behaviour
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 can stem from a lack of peer interaction and loneliness
while
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 they only focus on the screen for a long
time
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. In conclusion, children overspend
time
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 on their smartphones which must be considered by parents.
While
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this
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behaviour
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 has its own benefits and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can promote some mental skills, it
would
Verb problem
can
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 lead to health problems and bad
behaviour
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.

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task response
Task Response: The essay addresses all parts of the task by discussing the reasons for children's excessive smartphone use and weighing the positive and negative effects. However, ensure that the arguments are well-developed and supported with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a logical structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. The supporting points are well connected, but make sure to use cohesive devices to improve the flow of ideas and create stronger connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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