IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that young people should be required to do unpaid work helping people in the community. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, the young should volunteer to help people in the
community
Use synonyms
. Despite some drawbacks of
this
Linking Words
 decision. I think that the benefits are more significant. On the one hand, there are a number of major disadvantages of working in the
community
Use synonyms
 without
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
. One evident strength is that it would make the young discouraged.
In other words
Linking Words
, when they
work
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 society without
salary
Correct article usage
a salary
show examples
, they will feel discouraged and they
also
Linking Words
 do not have the effort to continue working. Another reason is that they will not focus on their studies. The young who are too focused on their
work
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not concentrate on their studies at university.
This
Linking Words
 leads to they can not
being
Change the form of the verb
be
show examples
 able to graduate because of
bad
Add an article
the bad
show examples
 academic
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I argue that there are some obvious advantages that would make it better not to volunteer to help people in the
community
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 allows the young to see the various aspects of life when they realize that many people around them do not have the basic necessities of life, they will learn to count their blessings. These activities help them gain insight into the lives of the poor,
realize
Correct word choice
and realize
show examples
 how fortunate they are.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they will have a higher sense of responsibility
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
community
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, volunteering is a great opportunity to acquire valuable
work
Use synonyms
 experience. They can mention these stents in their resume when it is time to apply for a job.
In addition
Linking Words
, the young who have done some kind of
community
Use synonyms
work
Use synonyms
 are more likely to get hired than someone who has absolutely no experience
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 volunteering. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the young might find it difficult to
work
Use synonyms
 in the
community
Use synonyms
 without being unpaid. I believe that the merits of
this
Linking Words
 trend do outweigh those drawbacks.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: