IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that money is the most important factor for achieving happiness.

#people #money #factor #happiness
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I somewhat agree that
money
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 is a very important element in achieving
happiness
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 but I
also
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 believe that
happiness
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 cannot be bought by
money
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 alone. In
this
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 essay, I will give my opinion that to what extent
money
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 is important to achieve pleasure and to what it's not. On the one hand, a person has many desires in
life
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 and to achieve most of them he needs
money
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. So when he gets the
money
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, he starts fulfilling his desires and believes that he got all the
happiness
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 in his
life
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.
For example
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, a man works hard all his
life
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 and gathers the
money
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 for his needs to become happy. If everything goes right in his
life
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 he would start believing that all the
happiness
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 he got was because of
money
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.
On the other hand
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, what I believe is that
money
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 is not everything because I have seen many people in my
life
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 who have plenty of
money
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, a nice house and a great running business but still they are not happy.They felt something nowhere to be found in their
life
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 even though they have everything.
For instance
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, I saw a person in my
life
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 who had a lot of
money
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 but he wasn't happy because he was afflicted with an incurable disease named Creutzfeldt–Jakob. As consequence, I realized that even if a person has
money
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, sometimes he becomes helpless and that
money
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 is unable to make him happy. It can be concluded that
,
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apply
show examples
 you are incapable of achieving pleasures in your
life
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 despite having
money
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.
Therefore
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, man should be happy in all circumstances and need not run after
money
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 because it can fulfil one's needs but cannot keep one happy.
Submitted by osamakhan7878 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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