IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

many people believe that increasing levels of violence on tv and films is having a direct result on levels of violence in society .to what extent do u agree or disagrree

It is often argued that the rising prevalence of violent content in mainstream
media
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,
such
Linking Words
 as television and cinema, is a primary driver of aggression in modern society.
While
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 I agree that constant exposure to brutality can
desensitize
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desensitise
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 individuals and influence certain
behaviors
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behaviours
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, I
also
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 believe that societal
violence
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 is a complex issue rooted in deeper socio-economic factors rather than being solely a byproduct of screen entertainment. On the one hand, there is significant evidence suggesting that
media
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violence
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 can negatively impact human
behavior
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behaviour
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, particularly among younger audiences. Children often learn through imitation, and when they witness their "heroes" resolving conflicts through physical force, they may come to view aggression as an acceptable way to handle real-life problems.
Furthermore
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, prolonged exposure to graphic scenes can lead to
desensitization
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desensitisation
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, where people become less shocked by real-life suffering, potentially lowering their empathetic response to victims in their own communities.
On the other hand
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, it is an oversimplification to blame the
media
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 entirely for the rise in crime rates. Many psychological studies argue that most individuals can clearly distinguish between fictional entertainment and reality. In fact,
violence
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 in society is frequently a result of environmental factors
such
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 as poverty, lack of education, and domestic instability.
For instance
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, a person raised in a peaceful environment with strong moral guidance is unlikely to become a criminal simply by watching an action movie.
Therefore
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, focusing only on television programs ignores the more urgent systemic issues that fuel real-world aggression. In conclusion,
while
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 I agree that the
media
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 plays a role in shaping social attitudes and can act as a trigger for vulnerable individuals, I disagree that it is the direct or sole cause of societal
violence
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. In my view, addressing the root causes like inequality and poor parenting is far more effective than simply censoring televised content.

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task response
Be sure your view is clear from the start and stay on it to the end.
lexical
Use short, plain words and easy sentences so ideas are easy to grasp.
content
Give more real examples to show how violence in media can affect people.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'so', 'but', 'and' to help flow.
structure
End with a strong last line that restates your view.
content
Clear view that media is not only cause but part of a bigger problem.
organization
Good use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to compare ideas.
content
Presents a balanced view with both sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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