Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree with this statement .

#people #government #rise #obesity #children

Nowadays, more and more people facing problems with obesity mostly

children

, which is a hot topic in discussion. Some individuals claim that the

government

is responsible for the increase in obesity in

children

. I strongly agree with

this

statement and I think that

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

people are

also

responsible for

this

issue

. I will explain my reason for it in the upcoming paragraphs.

To begin

with, there are many reasons why some people claim that the

government

is amenable to

this

issue

First

and foremost, due to lack of open space basically in towns and cities

children

are facing difficulties for warm-up,

as a result

, they suffer from overweight problem.

Secondly

, the

government

should ban unverified fast

food

this

is because vendors are containing low-quality ingredients which are harmful to

children

to eat.

For example

, due to a lack of

government

action in Delhi, one of the cities in India vendors are selling low quality fast-

food

chowmine

Correct your spelling

chow mien

in street areas, and

as a result

children

face some diseases like

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

overweight problem to eating that

food

Furthermore

parents

are

also

amenable to

this

issue

along with the authority. To illustrate

this

parents

are not taking strict action on their

children

to eat less amount of fast-

food

instead

of taking a higher amount of fast-

food

beverages.

For instance

, my 8 years cousin's sister suffers from thyroid as well as overweight problems due to eating higher amounts of fast

food

like burgers and egg rolls and, her mother does not take strict action on her to consume less.

Also

parents

are busy with their hectic lifestyles and have

not

Add the particle

tonot

show examples

care about their

children

's health

thus

children

suffer from

this

disease. In conclusion, after considering all, the

government

is not only responsible for

this

issue

parents

should

also

look after their

children

and instinct them to consume less fast

food

and do more exercise on daily basis, which helps

children

to decrease the obesity problem .

Submitted by thespoof318 on Sun Jul 31 2022

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Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

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‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

322 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

policies
responsibility
health and well-being
education and awareness programs
childhood obesity
food advertising and labeling
unhealthy food
supportive environments
recreational facilities
collaboration
healthcare providers

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Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree with this statement .

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

: More and more people want to own famous brands such as cars, clothes, or other items. This is positive or negative? Give out your opinion

In many countries, there is an increase in the proportion of ageing population. Some people think that old people over the age of sixty-five cannot contribute to our society any more. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people believe that eventually all jobs will be done by artificially intelligent robots. What is your opinion?

In many countries, very few young people read newspapers or follow the news on TV. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

The table below gives information about the underground railway systems in six cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.