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Band 4.5

Many people think that it is better to get advice from old rather than young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #advice
Some
people
 hold the point to prefer to receiving
advice
 from seniors
instead
 of youngsters. From my point of view, both elderly
people
 and young
people
 have their
specialties
Change the spelling
specialities
show examples
 and advantages from different aspects, the old are more experienced and mature to give
advice
 on
professional
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a professional
show examples
 career, enterprising choices etc.
On the contrary
, younger
people
 are better at creativity for fresh ideas. Which is better to ask
advice
 for should depend on the substantial questions.
For those
Change preposition
Those
show examples
 who believe that elderly
people
 should be the right person to ask for any
advice
, holds the idea that seniors are more mature and have profound insights based on their past life experience. Unlike young
people
 who are fickle and emotional, the elder
people
 are usually calm and sedate on any tough questions.
For example
, for a suggestion on
professional
Add an article
a professional
show examples
 career, the elder person is possible to give out a constructive idea
comprehensive
Correct word choice
and comprehensive
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 analysis, from
perspectives
Correct article usage
the perspectives
show examples
 of both
as
Change preposition
apply
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a team contributor and a leader, young
people
 who
has
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have
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 limited work experience would only hold a superficial perception.
However
, young
people
 have their benefits in some kinds of
advice
 considering they are usually keeping an open mind to absorb new ideas. Elder
people
 sometimes are too dependent on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
past experience, which might be outdated for modern society.
For example
, if it comes to a love question on how to grasp the heart of the counterpart, it is definitely better to ask the young peers for
advice
. In conclusion, even though elder
people
 have their advantages in some
advice
 on serious questions like career, business with their solid
knowedge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
, with innovative thinking and the bold as
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 bull, the youngsters can be more creative in some circumstances and provide more helpful
advice
especially
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,especially
show examples
 in the aspects that need fresh ideas.
Submitted by mengjia.ma on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • life experience
  • practical solutions
  • broader perspective
  • wisdom
  • long-term consequences
  • foresight
  • limited life experience
  • contemporary issues
  • rapidly evolving world
  • innovative solutions
  • modern thinking
  • fresh ideas
  • timeless wisdom
  • combination of advice
  • merges experience with contemporary insight
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