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Writing Samples
Band 8

Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the past,
Directors
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 and
Managers
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 to the head of the organisation and department seemed to be older
people
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 than younger ones. Most of the leading organisation has heads as
people
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 who are primarily 50 and above. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss on both sides.
To begin
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 with,
directors
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 and
managers
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 who are aged definitely possess more knowledge and experience than youth.
For instance
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, a study conducted by the National Institute of Technology found that senior citizens who had experience and knowledge in related fields contributed to the
overall
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 fifty per cent growth of corporate companies.
This
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 showcases the decision-making skill and expertise in knowledge in their work of elder
people
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 which beats the younger generation.
On the other hand
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,
people
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 who are young have innovative ideas, more energy, high potential for executing their plans etc. Despite these reasons, they are good at communicating with co-workers and prone to taking risks as well which is one important factor especially, in the business domain.
Furthermore
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, an article published by the Times of India mentioned that 40 per cent of youth with skills and remarkable plans are unrecognised
due to
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 suppression from the higher authority.
This
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 in turn proves that the current system needs to be changed. In conclusion, I agree that
directors
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 and
managers
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 who are aged contribute to the growth of the industry or organisation making them a good fit for the position of
directors
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 or
managers
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.
However
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, it is
also
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 significant that the collaborative working of senior
people
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 with the younger generation gives immense results than one category ruling the system.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear response to the task, certain grammar and vocabulary errors need to be addressed for a higher score. Work on refining sentence structures and eliminating minor mistakes.
task achievement
Your essay could benefit from a more detailed discussion of contrasting viewpoints. Try adding more depth to your points, possibly with more examples or a deeper analysis.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a good logical structure, but ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Refining the flow between sentences will enhance the overall coherence.
coherence cohesion
Revise the introduction for a clearer thesis statement. Make sure that it precisely outlines your stance and the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider adding a few more linking words and phrases to improve the flow of the essay. This will make your arguments more cohesive and easier to follow.
task achievement
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and presents a balanced perspective, which strengthens your argument.
task achievement
You provided some relevant and specific examples, which support your points well and add credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and well-structured, framing your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a good logical structure, guiding the reader through your points in a clear and organized manner.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Wealth of experience
  • Historical knowledge
  • Fresh perspectives
  • Innovative ideas
  • Adaptability
  • Technological advancements
  • Team cohesion
  • Morale
  • Calculated risks
  • Significant advancements
  • Mentorship
  • Transfer of knowledge
  • Energy and drive
  • Refined decision-making skills
  • Younger workforce
  • Leadership development
  • Organizational dynamics
  • Risk-taking mindset
  • Change management
  • Intergenerational collaboration
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