IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The average standard of people's health is likely to be lower in the future than it is now. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #health #future
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
We are living in a world which becomes more unhealthy
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 due to several reasons and despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
fact
Use synonyms
 that most things have proven
it self
Correct your spelling
itself
show examples
 as very useful they
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
have a major impact
our
Change preposition
on our
show examples
health
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
 is it very likely that
standard
Correct article usage
the standard
show examples
 of people's
health
Use synonyms
 decreases in the future
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 I agree with that thought and
this
Linking Words
 essay will support my opinion with examples.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Our
health
Use synonyms
 will decrease in the future due
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
fact
Use synonyms
 that everything will be digitalised and nobody actually
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 to be active anymore in order to get things done.
It
Add a verb
isIt
wasIt
show examples
 necessary to point out that we
Correct your spelling
humans
humen
Correct your spelling
humans
 are born to be physical and mentally active. That we do everything on or with the computer means we are doing everything without actually using our bodies and brains. We are in need to be active in order to be healthy. Taking Food delivery as an
examples
Correct the article-noun agreement
example
show examples
. Most people, especially young people do not go to the grocery store anymore, to enjoy the walk
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the fresh and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
pick
Correct your spelling
up
show examples
um
Correct your spelling
up
show examples
 some nice
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
fresh vegetables at the
farmers
Change noun form
farmer's
farmers'
show examples
 market. They
on the contrary
Linking Words
 just press the bottom on their phone and order their food while sitting on the couch watching some
time consuming
Add a hyphen
time-consuming
show examples
 reality TV show. But not only that
,
Add the word(s)
but,
show examples
our
health
Use synonyms
 will
also
Linking Words
 decline due to a lack of social contact which is caused by the Digital Universe. Not or granted are 'Mental
health
Use synonyms
' issues nowadays already the most common
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
 amongst youngsters, not to think of how
this
Linking Words
 will continue. I am very much of the Opinion that,
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
our Children will be less healthy, especially mentally, due to
fact
Use synonyms
 that they are much more under peer pressure and much less in actual contact with friends. To conclude, I believe that our
health
Use synonyms
 will lower in the future
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
du
Correct your spelling
due
show examples
 to the
fact
Use synonyms
 that our
Add a hyphen
ever-evolving
show examples
ever evolving
Add a hyphen
ever-evolving
show examples
 digtialsim will replace basic human needs
such
Linking Words
 as
Correct your spelling
physical
phisical
Correct your spelling
physical
, mental and social activity. I very much think that
this
Linking Words
 is a serious problem and that the government, though they have plenty of other things to do
such
Linking Words
 as saving our planet, should act about it.
Submitted by miriamjohannadan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Standard of health
  • 2. Average
  • 3. Lower
  • 4. Future
  • 5. Aging population
  • 6. Chronic diseases
  • 7. Sedentary lifestyle
  • 8. Lack of exercise
  • 9. Poor dietary habits
  • 10. Environmental pollution
  • 11. Technological advancements
  • 12. Impact on health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: