IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Not many young people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? Should they be encouraged to attend?

#people #countries #world #concerts #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It has been pointed out that there has been a decrease in the number of young generations who would like to take part in
art
Use synonyms
 performances
such
Linking Words
 as musicals and plays in most parts of the world. Personally, I opine that technological innovations are the reason for
this
Linking Words
 trend, and several means ought to be performed to encourage them to participate in
art
Use synonyms
 activities.
First
Linking Words
 of all, the advancement of technology is the cause for fewer young individuals enjoying gigs and plays. The reason is that due to the technological changes, a huge number of intriguing and interesting electronic devices and games have been created, which attracts youngsters to play or watch them for a long period of
time
Use synonyms
,
thus
Linking Words
 leading to a drop in the chances to enjoy
art
Use synonyms
 shows in person.
For instance
Linking Words
, an officer of the department of
art
Use synonyms
 in China mentions that after noticing the decline in attendance of
art
Use synonyms
 shows, they have performed a program to research reasons. The result states that a vast majority of young
people
Use synonyms
 have been spending most of their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 playing fascinating computer games or watching videos, which occupies their
time
Use synonyms
 enjoying
art
Use synonyms
 performances.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, measures should be conducted to encourage youths to appreciate concerts or performances.
This
Linking Words
 is because if young generations spend
time
Use synonyms
 participating in
art
Use synonyms
 activities with strangers, they are more likely to have a massive percentage of opportunities to communicate with
people
Use synonyms
, which results in the development of social and communication skills.
For example
Linking Words
, a significant proportion of young individuals who are willing to attend local musicals say that investing more
time
Use synonyms
 to see the concerts provides them with opportunities to interact with
people
Use synonyms
 with different cultural and economic backgrounds, which enhances their social manners.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, they are feeling less stressed to communicate with new colleagues or peers. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 may vary in their opinion about the cause for the decline of the young attendances of
art
Use synonyms
 shows, and whether several measures should be taken to deal with
this
Linking Words
 issue, I am of the opinion that the development of technology is the reason for
this
Linking Words
 dreadful circumstance, and ways should be carried out to encourage youngsters to attend concerts and plays.
Submitted by strawberry.guan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: