IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #advertisements #products #lives
Many people believe that the influence of
advertisements
 can stimulate some individuals eager to purchase some goods that they really do not to use. I fully agree with
this
 statement and I will elaborate my reasons including related examples from my knowledge or experience, in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, The influence of
advertisements
 has a huge impact on the way of life of the people in our society. As you can see, every time you watch TV or any kind of social online platform, you will often notice
advertisements
. The company has been spending enormous costs in order to let people know about their goods.
As a result
, the individual is more likely to be interested in the goods and would like to buy them even though it is a useless thing.
For example
, when I was young I loved watching TV shows and I asked my parent to buy handgames for me.
Moreover
, The advertisement has more power to persuade negative eating habits for children. If you watch TV and follow social online channels, you tend to be familiar with
advertisements
 about Junk food or ultra-processed foods that motivate young children to want to consume them.
For instance
, since my childhood, I frequently saw the advertisement for Pizza that made me want to eat it. When I grew up I realised that it is bad for my health if I consume it too much. In conclusion, advertisement has a lot of influence on human beings.
Submitted by mahawichet on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction more clearly presents the premise of the argument and a straightforward thesis statement. Avoid ambiguities and be explicit in stating your position on the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Structure your paragraphs well, ensuring that each has a clear central idea. Use more cohesive devices to link your ideas more smoothly and clarify the relationships between them such as 'however', 'therefore', 'on the other hand', etc.
Task Achievement
Support your main points with more specific and varied examples. The examples given are somewhat relevant, but they lack detail and do not fully demonstrate how advertising leads to unnecessary purchases.
Coherence and Cohesion
Aim for a clear and cohesive conclusion that summarizes your main points and restates your position. Your current conclusion is lacking a strong final statement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!