IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people say the Olympic Games do not have a role to play in the 21st century. To extent your agree or disagree?

#people #olympic #games #role #st #century
Based on some
people
's views, it could not be supposed a role to play
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Olympic
games
 in the current century. In my opinion, for many reasons, these
events
 have an important role in our life. Namely, it causes
sports
 improvement, and governments dedicate
Correct your spelling
specific
specefic
Correct your spelling
specific
budget
Fix the agreement mistake
budgets
show examples
 to
sports
.
On the other hand
, some
people
 disagree. I strongly believe that governments should have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
special attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
 and I have some reasons to
proof
Replace the word
prove
show examples
 my idea.
First
 and foremost, these
events
 should be held, because it encourages individuals to play
sports
 and participate in these competitions.
In addition
,
sports
 are an essential part of
people
's
life
Replace the word
lives
show examples
 and it is vital for their health.
last
 but not least, these competitions occasion that
Correct your spelling
governments
gorvenments
Correct your spelling
governments
consider
Fix the infinitive
to consider
show examples
 a huge budget to
developing
Wrong verb form
develop
show examples
sports
 in their countries.
For instance
, some countries
such
 as China and Australia allocate a large number of money to be successful in these
games
.
In contrast
, some
people
 have
opposite
Add an article
an opposite
show examples
 new
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
 on it.
Firstly
, they believe that the sport is a hobby and holding these
competition
Fix the agreement mistake
competitions
show examples
 is not essential.
Furthermore
, they think it is the waste of time and money.
Secondly
, many
Correct your spelling
individuals
indiviuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
 like these
competions
Correct your spelling
competitions
, but they think these
events
 do not have a role to play. they believe that
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
 are as same as other
events
 and
politicians
Correct word choice
that politicians
show examples
 created
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to earn money. In conclusion,
Olympic
Correct article usage
the Olympic
show examples
games
 persuade
people
 to take part in
sports
 activities and prompt
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to participate as an athlete in these
games
. Indeed, if doing exercise expands in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, humans could have
a healthier and happier lives
Correct the article-noun agreement
a healthier and happier life
healthier and happier lives
show examples
.
Thus
, governments should take
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 to keep doing these kinds of matches.
Submitted by ranjbari4526 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: