Some experts suggest that an additional increase in economic wealth do not make the citizens happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree

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A section of researchers is of the opinion that adding finance to the economy makes the inhabitants unhappy.I totally agree because it brings restrictions and interest.

This

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essay will explain in detail the reasons for my stance as well as examples in the subsequent paragraphs.

To begin

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with,the primary reason additional finance will make the inhabitants unhappy is restraint.When a nation goes for a loan from International Monetary Fund to boost the economy. They give them restrictions on the number of

people

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employed in each sector and

this

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brings about unemployment for most

citizens

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For example

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,when ghana went to HIPC in 2000,the majority of the population was unemployed because of the quota they were given to

employing

Wrong verb form

employ

show examples

.A lot of graduates were in the house with better qualifications because of the loan their nation went for.

Although

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the country will benefit, the

people

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will suffer.

Therefore

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Change the article

show examples

rise in additional

wealth

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brings about unemployment which makes the

citizens

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not satisfied.

Secondly

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, another reason increasing the

wealth

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of a country makes the

people

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unsatisfied

is interest

Change the verb form

is interested

is interesting

show examples

.The money that will be given will not be the same to pay back.The country has to pay back with interest which makes the prices of commodities increase. The increase in the price of commodities brings hardships to the

citizens

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because their salaries will not be enough for them.Meanwhile ,

this

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leads to deviant behaviour because they need money to improve their living condition.

Hence

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,additional

wealth

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brings hardship to the

citizens

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. In conclusion,

this

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essay argued that an increase in the finance of an economy makes

people

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unsatisfied. Restrictions and commissions are the two reasons I totally opine that additional

wealth

Use synonyms

will make the inhabitants unhappy.

Submitted by yahayasonde2 on Mon Aug 15 2022

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

7.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

276 words

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Some experts suggest that an additional increase in economic wealth do not make the citizens happier. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification.

Adult youths are often called up for working development of communities. Some people say that they should be paid other say that they should not be pair. Discuss both views and give your opinion

Air travel is cheap these days, allowing ordinary people to travel further. Some people say that air fare should be increased because this leads to environmental problems. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.