IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people think that purpose of museums should be to attract and entertain young people. Others believe that the purpose of a museum is to educate, not entertain. Disuss both view and give opinion

#people #purpose #museums #museum #disuss
These days we can see a decrease in the number of museum visitors. Some
people
 argue, that it is better to encourage humans to go to the cinema with all kind of entertainment shows, whereas other claims that the
first
 goal needs to be the conveying of knowledge. I will explore the pros and cons of attractions in
museums
. Let us discuss. On the one hand all kind of art facilities, like galleries or art exhibitions, has issues with attendance. In modern ,society it is more comfortable to visit online a gallery than in reality. But, ,,
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 we really need to find new approaches to
this
 problem and find different incentives as well
such
 as video documentation or visible touch screens. It could be very exciting for children to see different pictures on a screen and decide to push them on an invisible touch screen and as a ,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
result they play a voice. When I remember
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
my childhood it was all time very boring to go to
museums
,
therefore
 it was often more appealing to me to go to the
next
 cinema.
On the other hand
, the main reason for visiting a museum is the learning of knowledge without media effects. Usually, you can better be learning in silent surrounding areas and no noisy sounds can interrupt your concentration and mind. A lot of
people
, almost elderly
people
 like to visit
museums
 for other motivations. In our time of big ,acceleration it is sometimes useful that we calm ourselves by watching artefacts or sculptures in an art exhibition and let our minds flow,
for example
. In conclusion, on one hand , a museum with different kinds of attractions and entertainment can facilitate younger visitors, whereas older
people
 like to be more in silent surroundings for relaxation. In my opinion, it must be given to
museums
 for both kinds of groups.
Submitted by Diederich.1974 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: