IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

It is easier for wealthy people to maintain good health than it is for people who don’t have large amounts of money. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give your reasons and include relevant examples.

#people #health #don’t #amounts #money
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Today, many
people
Use synonyms
 are working hard and maintaining a healthy diet to achieve their desired level of
health
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 and fitness.
However
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, it is believed that the rich community can do
this
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 more easily than the poor. I completely agree with
this
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 view and
this
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 essay will present my reasons why.
Firstly
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,
people
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 who earn a hefty amount of
money
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 can have a much healthier diet and can use sophisticated training facilities.
As a result
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, they can consistently maintain their
health
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 over a longer period of time than the
people
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 who can't get access to
such
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 food and exercise.
For example
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, Cristiano Ronaldo is the healthiest sportsman in terms of his body fat percentage;
this
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 is because he has hired the best trainer and dietician which is only possible because he has tons of
money
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. If other
people
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 had that much
money
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, they would
also
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 be able to maintain their
health
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.
In addition
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, wealthy
people
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 can
also
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 afford to visit doctors more often which means that they can diagnose any kind of disease quickly and follow the required treatment.
For instance
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, they can even find cancer in its
first
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 stage and cure it.
On the other hand
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, poor
people
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 don't have much wealth to be able to go to hospitals regularly and they only use medical facilities in case of emergency.
This
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 means they cannot get the proper treatment if they have a slow poison disorder which will eventually lead to the worst of
health
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 conditions. In conclusion, I fully agree that the wealthier community can maintain a healthy lifestyle much easier than those who don't have
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
 amount of
money
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 because they have easier access to
healthier
Add an article
a healthier
show examples
 diet, luxurious
work-out
Correct your spelling
workout
show examples
 facilities and can do
health
Use synonyms
-checkup more often.
Submitted by ashishspinsball on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • affluent
  • financial hurdles
  • routine check-ups
  • specialized treatments
  • organic foods
  • processed foods
  • personal nutritionists
  • gym memberships
  • personal trainers
  • leisure time
  • stress management
  • financial stability
  • vacations
  • spa treatments
  • therapies
  • clean air
  • water pollution
  • noise pollution
  • financial insecurity
  • healthier environments
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