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Band 7

"It is sometimes argued that too many students go to university, while others claim that a university education should be a universal right. Discuss both sides of the argument and give your own opinion

#students #university #education #right #argument
There is always contention between people regarding
university
education
. Some individuals think that more students are getting higher
education
 compared
Change preposition
to
show examples
previously ; the rest of them believe that every student must have a right to get
this
education
.
This
 essay will generate my opinion after making a discussion on both sides of
this
 argument. On the one side, the admission number of learners at
university
 is increasing day by day.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that the masses want to upgrade their educational status which would aid them in getting better employment in terms of salary and position.
In other words
, the higher the
education
 degree a person has, the higher position he will get at a company. As an illustration, multi-national companies always prefer to recruit those employees who have post-graduation in a special discipline.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
 to get a respected position at the job site, many individuals go to
university
 for higher
education
. On the other side, some sections of society including myself, reckon that it should be a fundamental right so that each and every person would get a
university
education
. In
this
 way, the literacy rate could be increased which will directly lead to fewer crimes and the world becoming a better place to live. Research conducted by the Criminal Department at Pune,
for example
, shows that there is only 1 per cent of criminals are well educated; the remaining percentage of criminals have low educational levels.
Thus
, it proves that it must be a universal right so that the literacy rate
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be enhanced which will reduce the crime rate. In conclusion, I think
university
education
 should be accessible to every student so that crime could be reduced by educating the population,
however
, others believe that there is a surge in students getting admission to the
university
 for better employment opportunities.
Submitted by immysandhu94 on

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task response
Your essay addresses the task prompt by discussing both sides of the argument and presenting a clear opinion. Make sure to provide more detailed examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are well-organized and coherent overall. To further enhance coherence, consider using transitional phrases to connect your ideas more effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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