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Band 4.5

when a new town is planned it is more impotant to devlop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centre for people to spend their time in . to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#town #impotant #devlop #parks #sports #facilities #centre #people #time
When it comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
designing a new town,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should focus on public parks and sports facilities as well , as it gives
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
 of benefits and one can
ejoy
Correct your spelling
enjoy
there
Correct pronoun usage
it there
show examples
 and they can spend their valuable
time
 with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 family. In
this
 era of
urbanization
Add a comma
,urbanization
show examples
 green spaces have more benefits than others. Personally , I agree with the
writers
Change to a genitive case
writer's
writers'
show examples
 notion and
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
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 for my inclination are enunciated in
ensuing
Correct article usage
the ensuing
show examples
 paragraph.
First
Correct article usage
The first
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 and foremost reason to support my ideology is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
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having shopping
centres
 in town has its own benefits. If a city does not have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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good shopping
centres
 and outlets
then
 ,
people
 will have to travel a lot to purchase daily items
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 will affect the cost
also
.
In addition
 to that, shopping
centres
 are not
onlt
Correct your spelling
only
 stand as trade market but most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
also
 enjoy there when they do shopping in
mall
Add an article
the mall
a mall
show examples
 . To cite
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 example , many
people
 enjoy
food
Add an article
the food
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 over
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 children
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
 play numerous games in
game
Add an article
the game
show examples
 zone . Nowadays, mostly youngsters
also
 spend their
time
 with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 friends.
On the other hand
 , public spaces and sports play
vital
Add an article
a vital
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role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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 in
this
time
 for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 betterment of health.
Moreover
, when
people
 spend
time
 in parks they have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
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 air
with
Change preposition
apply
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full of oxygen and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
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it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
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lifespan
Correct pronoun usage
their lifespan
show examples
 .
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, many
people
 walk in the garden in
morning
Add an article
the morning
show examples
 and remain healthy
consequently
,
this
 city would see fast progress
also
. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
close scrutiny, I conclude that green spaces affect the
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
 lifestyle but shopping
centres
 are equally important . The government should pass
holistic
Correct article usage
a holistic
show examples
Correct your spelling
approach
approch
Correct your spelling
approach
 to
develpo
Correct your spelling
develop
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of parks and sports facilities for
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
 .
Submitted by Harsh prajapati  on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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