when a new town is planned it is more impotant to devlop public parks and sports facilities than shopping centre for people to spend their time in . to what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
When it comes to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
designing a new town,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
should focus on public parks and sports facilities as well , as it gives
lot
Change the article
a lot
show examples
of benefits and one can
ejoy
Correct your spelling
enjoy
there
Correct pronoun usage
it there
show examples
and they can spend their valuable
time
with
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
family. In
this
era of
urbanization
Add a comma
,urbanization
show examples
green spaces have more benefits than others. Personally , I agree with the
writers
Change to a genitive case
writer's
writers'
show examples
notion and
reasons
Correct article usage
the reasons
show examples
for my inclination are enunciated in
ensuing
Correct article usage
the ensuing
show examples
paragraph.
First
Correct article usage
The first
show examples
and foremost reason to support my ideology is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
having shopping
centres
in town has its own benefits. If a city does not have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
good shopping
centres
and outlets
then
,
people
will have to travel a lot to purchase daily items
and
Correct word choice
which
show examples
will affect the cost
also
.
In addition
to that, shopping
centres
are not
onlt
Correct your spelling
only
stand as trade market but most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
also
enjoy there when they do shopping in
mall
Add an article
the mall
a mall
show examples
. To cite
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
example , many
people
enjoy
food
Add an article
the food
show examples
over
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
children
also
Correct word choice
and also
show examples
play numerous games in
game
Add an article
the game
show examples
zone . Nowadays, mostly youngsters
also
spend their
time
with
the
Change the word
their
show examples
friends.
On the other hand
, public spaces and sports play
vital
Add an article
a vital
show examples
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
in
this
time
for
their
Change the word
the
show examples
betterment of health.
Moreover
, when
people
spend
time
in parks they have
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
to
breath
Replace the word
breathe
show examples
air
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
full of oxygen and
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
it
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
lifespan
Correct pronoun usage
their lifespan
show examples
.
Furtheremore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, many
people
walk in the garden in
morning
Add an article
the morning
show examples
and remain healthy
consequently
,
this
city would see fast progress
also
. On
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
close scrutiny, I conclude that green spaces affect the
citizens
Change to a genitive case
citizen's
citizens'
show examples
lifestyle but shopping
centres
are equally important . The government should pass
holistic
Correct article usage
a holistic
show examples
Correct your spelling
approach
approch
Correct your spelling
approach
to
develpo
Correct your spelling
develop
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
of parks and sports facilities for
people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
of
nation
Add an article
the nation
a nation
show examples
.
Submitted by Harsh prajapati  on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: