IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that government is responsible for the rise in obesity in children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #government #rise #obesity #children
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Many today argue that the government is accountable for the increase in the problem of overweight
children
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.
However
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, I do not agree with
this
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 opinion as I believe that
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overconsumption
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over consumption
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overconsumption
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 of
food
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 and less physical activity can cause
obesity
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.
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Overconsumption
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Over consumption
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Overconsumption
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 of meals especially unhealthy
food
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 plays a vital role in
the
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apply
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weight
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 control and
not
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is not
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 mainly the responsibility of the government but of the parents or the caregivers.
Children
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 that
consumes
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consume
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 large meals, snacks, and junk foods more than the recommended caloric intake for their age will mostly become obese
children
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.
For instance
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, those
children
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 that were provided by their caregivers
more
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with more
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 fast-
food
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 meals, chips, chocolates and candies, and sodas rather than vegetables and fruits will more likely be heavier than
the
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their
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 supposed to be normal
weight
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.
Thus
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, the quality and the amount of
food
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 intake
is
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are
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 accountable for the rise in
obesity
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 in
children
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.
Moreover
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, less
to
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apply
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no physical activity can
also
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 aggravate
obesity
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 in
children
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. Nowadays, with the modernization of technology and easy access to
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handheld
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hand held
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handheld
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 devices, kids chose to sit and play on their gadgets rather than do the actual playing. We are seeing
less
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fewer
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children
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 on the playground and more
on
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in
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 their rooms in front of their computers or tablets.
For example
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, kids would play with characters on their game, on the screen online rather than play with their friends an actual game. Because of
this
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, kids do not do any physical exercises that could burn their calories leading to
obesity
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 as well. In conclusion, I assume that the lifestyle of the
children
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 plays a vital role in their
weight
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 management that can be
influence
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influenced
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 by the caregiver rather than the government.
Food
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 intake and physical activity are two main aspects that
needs
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need
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 to be controlled to maintain a healthy
weight
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.
Submitted by leola_8ef on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • policies
  • responsibility
  • health and well-being
  • education and awareness programs
  • childhood obesity
  • food advertising and labeling
  • unhealthy food
  • supportive environments
  • recreational facilities
  • collaboration
  • healthcare providers
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