IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for job. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

#people #background #cities #job #consequences #offer
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is evident that there are increasing numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to
cities
Use synonyms
 in order to look for jobs.
This
Linking Words
 trend can lead to some consequences, but some solutions are proposed to address
this
Linking Words
 problem. On the one hand, a significant amount of
people
Use synonyms
 moving away from an agricultural background to settle in
cities
Use synonyms
 can cause several drawbacks.
Firstly
Linking Words
, a disorder in society can occur. The workforce in agriculture will be reduced considerably and
this
Linking Words
 affect directly the supply of the
food
Use synonyms
 chain. if fewer
people
Use synonyms
 take part in growing plants and providing
food
Use synonyms
 to
people
Use synonyms
 ,
as a result
Linking Words
, there will not be enough
food
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 and causes.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if more and more
people
Use synonyms
 move to
cities
Use synonyms
 to find a job,
labour
Correct article usage
the labour
show examples
 market in
cities
Use synonyms
 will become more competitive. There will be a certain amount of
people
Use synonyms
 who can not get a job.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to crimes and affect the quality of life
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some solutions can be given to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Firstly
Linking Words
, governments can give incentives to companies which work in agriculture.
For example
Linking Words
, governments can reduce tax rates to encourage companies to invest more money in agriculture.
This
Linking Words
 will assure a
sustainble
Correct your spelling
sustainable
 supply of
food
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 all around the country, and avoid property.
Secondly
Linking Words
, governments can move factories and big companies to rural areas to balance the quality of
people
Use synonyms
 in big
cities
Use synonyms
 and rural areas. More
people
Use synonyms
 seek their jobs in their neighbourhoods
instead
Linking Words
 of going to the
cities
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 in order to seek jobs
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 becoming popular can cause some consequences,
however
Linking Words
 there are several solutions to
this
Linking Words
 matter.
Submitted by nguyennguyet.vcu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
The introduction effectively sets up the topic, and the conclusion summarizes the main points well.
logical structure
The essay demonstrates a good logical structure with clear progression of ideas. However, some transitions could be smoother to enhance the flow of the essay. Consider using linking words or phrases at the start of paragraphs to clearly show the relationship between your ideas.
relevant specific examples
All parts of the task are addressed adequately with some depth, but there is room for using specific examples or elaboration to strengthen the argument. Consider providing more specific examples or statistical data to bolster your points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your main ideas are clear and well-developed. However, to fully achieve a high band score, ensure that all points are comprehensively explored with sufficient depth.
complete response
The essay addresses both parts of the task - identifying the consequences and proposing solutions - and provides a structured response.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively encapsulate the main points of the essay.
supported main points
The main points are generally well-supported with explanations, maintaining relevance throughout.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urbanization
  • overcrowding
  • public services
  • housing shortages
  • informal settlements
  • rural depopulation
  • agricultural production
  • local economies
  • environmental degradation
  • pollution
  • waste management
  • green spaces
  • job market saturation
  • underemployment
  • infrastructure
  • public utilities
  • cultural heritage
  • traditional cultures
  • urban lifestyles
What to do next:
Look at other essays: