IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In modern society , some people argue that school become unnecessary as children can study at home via the Internet. Do you agree or disagree?

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary era, the
internet
Use synonyms
 has become an integral part of everyone's life and people can learn many
things
Use synonyms
 from it. A fraction of individuals
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that their
children
Use synonyms
 can access education at home rather than going to
school
Use synonyms
. I firmly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and will discuss my reasons in the following paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons for
children
Use synonyms
 to attend
school
Use synonyms
.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost
school
Use synonyms
 learning is structured. At ,
school
Use synonyms
 everything is maintained to deliver the best learning to students with the perfect environment for getting an education and that enhances their knowledge with a variety of resources
such
Linking Words
 as classrooms, laboratories, computer rooms, libraries and so on which they can not get in their houses.
Secondly
Linking Words
, they can learn many other
things
Use synonyms
 in the institution through face-to-face classes. These qualities
such
Linking Words
 as cooperation, time management, team player, competition and many more that they can not learn from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
online study at home. These
things
Use synonyms
 are lifelong learning.
Thus
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 learning is better than remote learning.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, remote learning gives an extra burden on parents. Parents need to buy phones or laptops with access to the
internet
Use synonyms
 for their
children
Use synonyms
 for their studies which leads to extra expenses for folks.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can misuse the
internet
Use synonyms
. with the excuse of online learning,
children
Use synonyms
 can play video games and watch other non-relevant content which leads to negative development for them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, remote learning is not beneficial for them.
Conclusion
To conclude,
internet
Use synonyms
 technology can have numerous ill effects on
children
Use synonyms
 through remote learning. Schools are the best for them to get an education and learn the
things
Use synonyms
 they need to learn for their career and personal development.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • modern
  • society
  • argue
  • unnecessary
  • children
  • study
  • home
  • Internet
  • agree
  • disagree
  • flexibility
  • environment
  • focus
  • distractions
  • structured
  • discipline
  • social skills
  • interacting
  • peers
  • teachers
  • instant
  • feedback
  • support
  • learning
  • extra-curricular
  • activities
  • development
What to do next:
Look at other essays:
  • 6
    band

    in some countries, people are hiring a personal fitness trainer rather than playing sports or doing exercise classess what are the reason for this is this a positive or negative develpment

    Private trainers are in higher demand in several countries. Conducting the trainers has more benefit in performing sports or physical exercise as they can likely scan through a diet habit and the abilities of individuals that can perform during the session. I believe that there would be a positive impact from getting a private trainer instead of doing class activities. Nowadays, more and more people build a healthy habit by making time to go to the gym and eating clean. Going to the gym doesn't help a person get into shape; thus, this is where the private instructor gets involved. To be honest, hiring the instructor is costly, but he or she helps to advise on good posture as well as knows various types of exercise that can benefit the targeted body parts. For example, adding extra weight to certain exercises when they believe that their trainee is capable. Moreover, fitness trainers are more likely to give suggestions on the series of meals that are essential for the body during the...
  • 6
    band

    What are your Achievements in 2023 and Revolutions in 2024

    Many things happened in 2023, and there were revolutions in 2024. Last year was a year of surprise and happiness because we bought a new house and gained Canadian citizenship. Firstly, my family was so lucky when we bought a house. We were fortunate because we found a pretty cheap house, but the house is still beautiful, big, and near everything. Our house was near school, the mall, and even downtown, making our transportation faster and taking less time. Secondly, we finally gained Canadian citizenship. My mom studied and worked hard every day for this. She spent time daily improving her English skills for IELTS and working hard to gain some plus points for a better chance of achieving Canadian citizenship. After all the work, she now has Canadian citizenship, and because of that, I became a Canadian citizen, too. To sum up, I bought a new house and became a Canadian citizen, making 2023 the best year in my life until now.
  • 6
    band

    Some people think that online reading materials are better for children. Others argues that traditional paper based resources are better. Discuss and give your opinion.

    There is no denying the fact that reading is a crucial thing to improve the child's mind. However, there is also an argument about what kind of materials are the best for kids, traditional paper or electronic paper. This essay will analyze this topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
  • 6
    band

    It is said that the education system is the most critical factor in the development of a country. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

    The role of education in national progress has long been a subject of debate among policymakers and scholars. While various factors such as economic stability, political governance, and technological innovation contribute to a country’s advancement, I firmly believe that a robust education system is the cornerstone of sustainable development. This is because education not only cultivates human capital but also fosters social cohesion and drives innovation.
  • 6
    band

    The tendency of news reports in the media to focus more on problems and emergencies rather than on positive developments is harmful to the individuals and the society as a whole. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

    The question of whether the media should focus more on problems has sparked heated debate. Some argue that negative contents are harmful to individuals, while others see that problems and emergencies are worth the public’s attention. My personal idea is the latter should be more emphasized because media can actually provide in-time information for disaster forecasting or prevention. In this essay, I will elaborate more detail and provide my personal opinions.