IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some countries allow old people to work to any age that they want. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #people #work #age
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, there is an
Correct your spelling
argument
arguement
Correct your spelling
argument
 that the elderly should
work
Use synonyms
 if they are capable
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
. From my perspective, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 point of view. On the one hand, for some countries, a myriad of areas are suffering from human resource
deplet
Correct your spelling
deplete
depletion
. To deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem,
this
Linking Words
 group of senior citizens can be an additional
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force to take the vacant job positions.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Singapore, the majority of senior
people
Use synonyms
 choose to continue to
work
Use synonyms
 as
staffs
Fix the agreement mistake
staff
show examples
 in the airport or in public facilities which helps the government solve
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the labor
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 force crisis.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, having an occupation can be a motivation for them to become more positive,
feeling
Correct word choice
and feeling
show examples
 useful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the communities. After retirement, most aged
people
Use synonyms
 would put up with negativity due to the feeling of constraint.
Therefore
Linking Words
, working can stave off
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
boredom and help them
combating
Wrong verb form
combat
show examples
 mental
disorder
Fix the agreement mistake
disorders
show examples
 which
take
Change the verb form
takes
show examples
 root from the limitations of the conversation in their relationships.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, allowing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
old
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 would worsen the competition in the
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market. In some countries that have
abundant
Add an article
the abundant
an abundant
show examples
 workforce, young
people
Use synonyms
 could be stripped
off
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 opportunities, not because of their incapabilities but
there
Correct word choice
because there
show examples
 is no post available since the old workers do not resign.
Consequently
Linking Words
, discouraging the young group
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
populations
Fix the agreement mistake
population
show examples
 which causes
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
 unemployment
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
 and anxiety among them.
In addition
Linking Words
, it is hard to assure their working quality.
Work
Use synonyms
 efficiency depends on hardworking, consistency and
focus
Change the verb form
focuses
show examples
 on details;
however
Linking Words
, senior workers have a tendency to commit more errors at
work
Use synonyms
 due
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 health conditions.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they have to suffer from
a higher health conditions
Correct the article-noun agreement
higher health conditions
a higher health condition
show examples
 leading to restrict
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
working ability; as well as taking more day-off for
health
Add an article
a health
show examples
checkup
Fix the agreement mistake
checkups
show examples
. In conclusion, the elderly shouldn’t get
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
permission
Replace the word
permit
show examples
 to continue to
work
Use synonyms
 due to the
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 accident and avoiding the
Use synonyms
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market from being under pressure.
Submitted by nguyenphananhquan on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: