IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the best way to succeed is to get a university education, while others disagree and say that it is no longer true nowadays. Discuss both views and give your own opinions.

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It is certainly true and I agree that the best way to achieve success in life is to complete a
university
Use synonyms
 graduation
whereas
Linking Words
 others believe that it is not correct in current times. I have discussed both views below and justified my opinion. A
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is the foundation and a minimum qualification in order to meet the required skills to be successful in life.
In other words
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, the curriculum-related academic and extra-curricular activities learned during graduation significantly support to develop the maturity and some vital social skills.
As a result
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, a person's self-confidence and teamwork ability increase which results in good leadership quality.
In addition
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, persons exposed to tremendous competition, and, because of
this
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, they become more stronger and independent. These above-all merits help individuals to be most successful in business, jobs or personal relationships.
Nevertheless
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, some people deny and believe that a
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 does not play an important role in success in the current times.
This
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 is because some persons who are not even graduates establish millions of dollars company with the help of their inherent capability, rich experience and own perspective.
Education
Use synonyms
 does not help in any way to build their asset. These entrepreneurs understand that experience is a quality to achieve a goal , not a qualification.
Due to
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 advancements in technology in the
last
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 decade , things are easily available which do not require any struggle or complication.
For instance
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, in many parts of India, the villagers started their own businesses after the COVID-19 pandemic based on their own past experience and they got remarkable profits without knowing the leadership lessons from college or schools. In conclusion, a
university
Use synonyms
education
Use synonyms
 is a key mandate to be a great leader and achieve success in life and I totally agree and follow
this
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,
however
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, It is a fact that many achievements stories have been found where the persons do not even complete college graduation and is still a powerful leader.

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task-achievement
Ensure that all parts of the prompt are addressed. Although you discuss both views, the essay could benefit from a more balanced discussion in terms of length and depth for each perspective.
coherence-cohesion
Improve the use of cohesive devices to ensure smoother transitions between ideas. This will help in making the essay more logically structured.
task-achievement
Expand on your examples to make them more relevant and specific. This will help to clearly illustrate your points and make your argument stronger.
coherence-cohesion
Refine the conclusion to briefly summarize the main points discussed and restate your opinion in a more concise manner. This will provide a clearer and more impactful ending.
overall
Work on sentence variety and complexity to enhance clarity and engagement. Try to avoid repetitive phrasing.
introduction
The essay introduces both viewpoints clearly and states your opinion effectively.
conclusion
Your conclusion appropriately encapsulates your viewpoint and ties back to the discussion effectively.
coherence-cohesion
The main ideas presented are relevant to the topic and well-organized within the paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • university education
  • higher pay
  • sweated and sacrificed
  • higher education
  • time, effort, and financial investment
  • specialized knowledge and skills
  • job prospects
  • economic contributions
  • valuable contributions
  • fairness and equality
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