IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples for your own knowledge or experience.

#people #attention
Nowadays, it is extremely common to see various types of
advertisements
 wherever
people
 travel.  As
this
 is considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
nom
Correct your spelling
norm
show examples
, some
people
questions
Correct subject-verb agreement
question
show examples
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if they are still effective for making decisions.
Although
 I strongly believe that
advertisements
 are powerful,
however
 In
this
 essay, I will cover
opponent's
Correct article usage
the opponent's
show examples
 views too. These days, It is true that marketing is where most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 owners spend money
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the most. Due to a significant amount of expenditure, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
companies
Add an article
the companies
show examples
 tend to include that marketing fee
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
sale
Correct article usage
the sale
show examples
 price.
This
 means that
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
show examples
 have to buy over-priced
products
 compare to the company
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 do not use any marketing schemes.
Additionally
, in fact,
advertisements
 are designed to catch
people
's eyes,
some
Correct word choice
and some
show examples
people
 can notice that they are over-stimulating.
For example
, when you visit Picadilly circus
staion
Correct your spelling
station
 which is the most famous attraction in London,
instead
 of amusing the historical building and attractions, you only can see the
advertisements
.
Moreover
, everyday-living essential
products
such
 as soap,
toothpastes
Change the wording
toothpaste
kinds of toothpaste
tubes of toothpaste
show examples
 and water are not necessarily needed to have
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
marketing on.
On the other hand
, there are many supporting facts that
advertisements
 are crucial.
Firstly
, it is the best method to bring
first
 buyers to try on their
products
. Once they meet great satisfaction, companies are more likely to have great numbers of loyal customers.
Secondly
, due to the variety of marketing tools like social media, TV, radio, outdoor screen and so on, it definitely
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 pleasure to see them. Especially when the international sports
tonerments
Correct your spelling
torments
 are held,
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 starts wear fulled equipped uniforms and fans love to see them.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
 importantly, even though governments put a lot of effort
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 hosting festivals, if there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 only
insufficient
Correct article usage
an insufficient
show examples
 amount of advertising, it is
Correct your spelling
extremely
extremetly
Correct your spelling
extremely
 difficult to bring guests. In conclusion,
although
 adverting costs a lot
as well
Add the comma(s)
, as well as overwhelming and certain products,
show examples
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 overwhelming and certain
products
 are not strongly related to
advertisement
Add an article
the advertisement
show examples
, adverting is important to bring more clients to the company and it can be entertaining.
Submitted by amyheo92 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: