IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that advertising aimed at children should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Commercialization had recently emerged as an integral part of our daily lives . advertising has become one of the most effective methods to promote upcoming
products
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 or newly launched
products
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. One of the most conspicuous trends of today's world is a colossal upsurge in the number of
people
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 who believe that industries targeted their offspring to sell their
products
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 through advertisements. The assertion seems pretty controversial across the globe. Without any doubt,society is divided into two groups as per the distinct mindsets of different
people
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 . A school of individuals believe it has a negative impact on
children
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 while others claim that it's important to advertise the
products
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 to catch
people
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's attention . Whether to agree or not it's a tough-provoking question. As far as I can see it's more justified to agree with the statement that advertising which targets
children
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 should be forbidden. In
further
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 paragraphs, I will not only shed light on both sides but
also
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 elaborate on my point of view regarding the matter. To embark, if we have a deep look at the topic we will certainly be able to identify a good number of reasons why
people
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 are against advertising. The
first
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 and foremost reason behind
this
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 is health problems . Companies make their junk foods so eye-catching that the
children
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 prefer to eat fast food rather than healthy homemade foods .
For instance
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 , McDonald's has a special kids menu where they give toys with their burgers
therefore
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, so many heirs prefer to buy that menu just to get that toy .
Secondly
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 , it developed a greedy attitude in
children
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. Companies like to advertise their newly launched
products
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 on tv or social media .
As a result
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 , the
children
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 want to buy those new toys to look cool in school .
For example
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 , lego has become very popular across the globe in a very short time period . They like to promote their toys through ads
therefore
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children
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 want to buy the new lego sets whenever they have launched . ,
Last
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 but not least, it
also
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 causes
children
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's mental depression . Due to inflation , nothing comes cheap . These
products
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 are very expensive which parents can't afford because of that
children
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 become very rude and disrespectful towards their parents and go into mental depression . On the paradoxical side, a school of individuals think it's necessary to promote
products
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 to stay in the competition .

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • screen time
  • fast food
  • childhood obesity
  • poor nutrition
  • physical education
  • urbanization
  • safety concerns
  • indoor activities
  • outdoor activities
  • health awareness
  • fitness programs
  • exercise routines
  • dietary habits
  • academic priorities
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