IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In this technological era, personal information is stored on computers by many companies and organizations. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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The relationship between privacy and technological advancement has received a great amount of attention worldwide in the
last
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 20 years. In the contemporary era, many organizations and companies have kept private
information
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 on
computers
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 or online.
This
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 essay will elaborate on the significance of
this
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 notion. On the one hand, keeping
information
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 on
computers
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 has many positive impacts.
In other words
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, if companies store data on
computers
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, not only can they manage their staff
information
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 efficiently but they
also
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 can save time in order to find desired
information
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 in documents at the office and access
information
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 quickly.
However
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, it should not be forgotten that almost all organizations have an online database for their customer's
information
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 and
this
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 way of keeping
information
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lead
Fix the agreement mistake
leads
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 to improved customer service.
For example
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, when you go to the hospital, bank and other government offices they access your
information
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 and solve your problem
due to
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 the database of personal
information
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.
On the other hand
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, despite the fact that storing
information
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 on
computers
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 has many benefits for companies, there is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 concern related to protecting
information
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. To support
this
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 statement there is a high risk of database breaches.
For instance
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, numerous research
have
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has
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 consistently found that a significant amount of personal
information
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 databases have been stolen on the dark web every day. The more maintaining of personal
information
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 on
computers
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, the higher the level of risk of stealing
information
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 from hackers and criminals.
To conclude
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,
also
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 there is a high level of risk of misusing personal
information
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 by keeping it on
computers
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. The benefits of them far outweigh the drawbacks.

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Task Achievement
Remember to provide more specific examples to further illustrate your points. Adding real-world instances or statistics can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Focus on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and make your essay more engaging. Experiment with complex sentences and a mix of simple and compound structures.
General
Double-check your essay for minor grammatical errors or typos to enhance its overall clarity and professionalism.
Structure
Well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion.
Content
Effective use of comparison between the advantages and disadvantages of storing information on computers.
Task Response
Successful in addressing the prompt with a balanced view on the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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