Some people think that only the government can make significant changes in society, while others think that individual can have a lot of influence. What is your opinion?

#people #government #changes #society #influence

this

contemporary epoch, whilst proponents believe that governors have a paramount role in affecting society, opponents have a diverse view.

Thus

, I am a staunch believer that citizens have a part in changing their surroundings. In

this

essay, my contention will be

further

discussed. On the one hand, socialists are of the belief that governments have the upper hand in changing society.

In other words

, when an authority

discovered

Wrong verb form

discovers

show examples

a complication in a society, it regulates new laws to overcome these problems. An eminent example is Egypt which has set a plethora of new laws to regulate the traffic congestion problem.

However

, the issue still exists.

Hence

, what can be said is that we can not deny the importance of the authorities in imposing laws that help in changing the surrounding problems in the country.

On the other hand

, it is believed that

nations

play a significant aspect in changing their surroundings. To illustrate, unless the country's

nations

do their best to solve their surrounding dilemmas, they will not be able to overcome them, as everybody is responsible for taking

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

action towards a specific complication that emerges. A salient example is the

nations

in Egypt have done their best to deal with the unemployment problem. They solve

this

complication by opening new areas where children can learn new skills,

such

as painting.

This

helps the

nations

in increasing their national income and to overcome the lack ness of work opportunities in Egypt.

Therefore

, not only do

nations

have an important part in solving their dilemmas, but they can

also

come up with new ideas to help their governments

in overcoming

Wrong verb form

overcome

show examples

several complications. In conclusion,

after

this

essay has manifested the above-mentioned points, it can be reiterated that authorities and

nations

have an interdependent role in solving their social problem.

Thus

, if there is cooperation between them, their communities will have a better future.

Submitted by ahmadhassan1694 on Mon Sep 26 2022

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task response

The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both perspectives on whether change in society is predominantly driven by governments or individuals. However, make sure to maintain clear topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance clarity.

task response

Occasionally, the ideas presented could be clearer or more directly linked to the main argument. Try to keep ideas well-connected and easy to follow.

task response

The essay provides relevant examples to support the arguments, but consider integrating more specific examples to enhance depth, such as more detailed governmental policies or individual initiatives.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is strong, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Consider strengthening the transitions between paragraphs for smoother cohesion.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each main point is adequately supported with evidence and explanation. A little more elaboration on examples would be helpful.

coherence cohesion

You have a well-rounded introduction and conclusion that encapsulate the main points and argument. Keep this up!

coherence cohesion

The essay concludes effectively by reiterating the central idea and proposing cooperation between governments and individuals as a solution.

task response

A good use of relevant examples, such as the traffic laws in Egypt and initiatives to combat unemployment, give substance to the arguments made.

coherence cohesion

The introduction clearly outlines the position taken, setting the stage for the discussion that follows.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

315 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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