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Writing Samples
Band 6

Too many young people and too many old people do not exercise enough. What is causing this ? What can be done to change this ? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

#people #exercise #change
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Many
people
Use synonyms
 young and old rarely
exercise
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. I think it happens because how
people
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 live these days become much easier. Start with simple things like walking and sitting. The Society prevents them from walking to their office by providing a lot of accommodation and transportation every day. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is one of many reasons why
people
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 lose interest
to do
Verb problem
in
show examples
exercise
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, I often see many articles saying that walking is the most simple and easy sport to do. We need to walk at least 5 to 10 kilometres every day. It will help you to stay fit and focused for all-day activities. Eventually, there are more choices of transportation that make us become too lazy to walk. I think we should start to care more about our bodies and health, realizing that we need to
exercise
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 more without being asked by others. There must be many campaigns or mottos that share some benefits just by doing exercises like "Stay healthy, be happy".
Furthermore
Linking Words
, as a worker myself, I experienced many problems from sitting too much. My back
becomes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
hurts and my waist becomes stiff. My idea is to build the standing desks, the desks where the workers have to stand to use them. Same as the walking one, we can start a campaign to ask companies to provide
this
Linking Words
 kind of desk in their office. I believe it will help the employee with their health problems and many more. In conclusion, there are many reasons why
people
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 do not
exercise
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 enough these days. Start with the easiest
exercise
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 like walking. We can do plenty of things to overcome it like making campaigns or sharing our thoughts with society.
Submitted by josepharie31 on

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task achievement
Try to develop your main points with more detailed explanations and relevant examples to further support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your paragraphs flow logically by using more linking words and phrases. This will enhance the coherence of your essay.
task achievement
You've chosen a relevant and interesting topic, discussing the motivation behind different age groups' exercise habits.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which help to frame your arguments effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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