IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

People are becoming more health concious nowadays. Do you agree or diagree

The bar chart compares the numbers of
men
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 and
women
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 who were full-time
members
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 of the
health
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club
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 in Miami and Florida and the pie charts illustrate the percentages of males and females belonging to various
age
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 groups. Overall, more
men
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 than
women
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 joined the
health
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club
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 in the year 2017 and the number of full-time
members
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in
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of
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 both sexes was highest in autumn. The majority of the
health
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club
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 participants belonged to the
age
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 group of 21-45. In the early months of the year 2017, the number of
men
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 and
women
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 enrolling in the
health
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club
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 was relatively low, less than 600 males and females while there was a surge in the average monthly use of
health
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club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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 in
autumn
Correct article usage
the autumn
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 months,
over
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with over
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 800
men
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 and 700
women
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. By
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contrast
constrast
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contrast
, the figures for
winter
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the winter
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 months noticeably dropped, especially in December,
only
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with only
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 just 500 females and 600 males taking part in the
club
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. In terms of the percentages of
health
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club
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members
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 classified by
age
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 and gender, more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half of
men
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 ages 21-45 participated in the
health
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club
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 while 55%
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women
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of women
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 in the same
age
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 group engaged in the
club
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 in 2017. The
second
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 highest proportions were
men
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 and
women
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 older than 65, making up a quarter of the overall number of male
members
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 and less than a
third
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 of that of female participants.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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