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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
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It has been suggested that the
health
Use synonyms
 care
system
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 is dealing with the
health
Use synonyms
 issues involving the increasing number of
obesed
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obese
obsessed
people
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. To deal with
this
Linking Words
 problem more physical
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
 lessons should be introduced in
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 level
system
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. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and I will give
logical
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a logical
show examples
 explanation to support my choice.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
 carry the knowledge for their whole
life
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 they gained in their childhood. If younger
people
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 learn physical education in
early
Add an article
the early
an early
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 stage of
life
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 they could be
benifited
Correct your spelling
benefited
 in
later
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the later
a later
show examples
 period.
Firstly
Linking Words
, youngers can gather knowledge about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
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lifestyle
show examples
 which they can practice in their daily lifestyle. Most of us do not have
proper
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a proper
show examples
guideline
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guidelines
show examples
 about
healthy
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a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle
that is
Linking Words
 why we could not
mailtain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 it. If we get these lessons with our primary
learnigs
Correct your spelling
learnings
learning
 one could be more fit and get less ill.
Secondly
Linking Words
, if the kids
develops
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develop
show examples
 a habit from childhood it would be easier for them to follow it. They can make their food habit according to the lessons.
However
Linking Words
, in our
country
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,country
show examples
 most
of
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apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 are unaware
about
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of
show examples
healthy
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a healthy
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 diet and
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 way of
life
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. By giving knowledge about these from
young
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a young
show examples
 age it would be
more easy
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easier
show examples
 to cover most of the population.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 get
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 the nations' overall
health
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system
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 will improve. It will make
people
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concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 obesity and other
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Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
problem
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problems
show examples
. In
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conclusion
conclution
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conclusion
,
national
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the national
show examples
health
Use synonyms
system
Use synonyms
 could be increased by giving appropriate
health
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 education to the
natinals
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nationals
 from
very
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the very
show examples
Correct your spelling
beginning
begingin
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beginning
 and
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 will lead to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
people
Use synonyms
Correct your spelling
healthier
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
 in future.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
What to do next:
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