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The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education lessons in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #lessons #school #curriculum
It has been suggested that the
health
 care
system
 is dealing with the
health
 issues involving the increasing number of
obesed
Correct your spelling
obese
obsessed
people
. To deal with
this
 problem more physical
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
 lessons should be introduced in
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 level
system
. I agree with
this
 statement and I will give
logical
Add an article
a logical
show examples
 explanation to support my choice.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
 carry the knowledge for their whole
life
 they gained in their childhood. If younger
people
 learn physical education in
early
Add an article
the early
an early
show examples
 stage of
life
 they could be
benifited
Correct your spelling
benefited
 in
later
Add an article
the later
a later
show examples
 period.
Firstly
, youngers can gather knowledge about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 which they can practice in their daily lifestyle. Most of us do not have
proper
Add an article
a proper
show examples
guideline
Fix the agreement mistake
guidelines
show examples
 about
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle
that is
 why we could not
mailtain
Correct your spelling
maintain
 it. If we get these lessons with our primary
learnigs
Correct your spelling
learnings
learning
 one could be more fit and get less ill.
Secondly
, if the kids
develops
Change the verb form
develop
show examples
 a habit from childhood it would be easier for them to follow it. They can make their food habit according to the lessons.
However
, in our
country
Add a comma
,country
show examples
 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 are unaware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet and
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 way of
life
. By giving knowledge about these from
young
Add an article
a young
show examples
 age it would be
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
 to cover most of the population.
On the other hand
, if most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 get
awareness
Replace the word
aware
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
health
 the nations' overall
health
system
 will improve. It will make
people
concious
Correct your spelling
conscious
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 obesity and other
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
health related
Add a hyphen
health-related
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
national
Add an article
the national
show examples
health
system
 could be increased by giving appropriate
health
 education to the
natinals
Correct your spelling
nationals
 from
very
Correct article usage
the very
show examples
Correct your spelling
beginning
begingin
Correct your spelling
beginning
 and
these
Correct pronoun usage
this
show examples
 will lead to
live
Change the verb form
living
show examples
people
Correct your spelling
healthier
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
 in future.
Submitted by barsha.oyritex on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity rates
  • health care system
  • physical education
  • instill
  • long term
  • raise awareness
  • healthier lifestyle choices
  • nutritional education
  • active transport
  • quality of instruction
  • facilities and equipment
  • diet control initiatives
  • community sports programs
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