IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe zoos are good places for people to learn about animals. Other people believe animals belong in nature and it is wrong to keep them in zoos. What do you think? Explain, giving specific reasons for your choice.

#people #zoos #places #animals #nature #choice
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It is often argued whether
zoos
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 are educational places or wrong to keep them in
zoos
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. Even though there are some disadvantages for the
animals
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, I completely believe that
zoos
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 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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excessively efficient places for
people
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 and
also
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 for the city. In the world, there is a variety of species that all live on different continents. The main reason that
zoos
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 are beneficial is they usually allow us to see other continents'
animals
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. As elephants walk in the
street
Fix the agreement mistake
streets
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 in Asia,
this
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 is normal to see
for
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Asian
people
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 but there are not any elephants in Europe except in
zoos
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. That's why
people
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 can witness different types of
animals
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 and their behaviours in
zoos
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, since almost all children love
animals
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, it is a great fun family activity.
Also
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, nowadays many schools organize zoo trips for educational purposes
such
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 as learning about wildlife and nature.
Moreover
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, there are economic and environmental
good
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apply
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effects of
zoos
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. In many countries,
zoos
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 can
use
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protect endangered species.
For instance
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, the panda was on the edge of extinction in 2002 and Austria's government decided to take them to a special zoo, after a two-decade they survived extinction.
Also
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,
zoos
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 allow scientists to study animal behaviours and these reports are significantly important for many fields like medicine.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
zoos
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 supply many job opportunities for the local
people
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,
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 and
raised
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raise
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 the city's gross as it is a big pull factor. The income gained from
zoos
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 can help more species preservation. In conclusion,
zoos
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 have economic, environmental and educational benefits. That's why I strongly believe that as
people
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 can learn much about
animals
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zoos
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 are educational places for the community.
Submitted by drsoguzhan on

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Task Response
Overall, your essay addresses the prompt effectively by discussing both sides of the argument and providing reasons to support your opinion. Make sure to clearly state your opinion in the introduction for better task response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is well-organized and follows a logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Task Response
Good job discussing the benefits of zoos for educational purposes and the environment.
Task Response
Well-developed examples and arguments support your opinion effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that summarize your points effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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