IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The prevention of health problems and illness is more important than treatment and medicine. Government funding should reflect this. To what extent do you agree?

#prevention #health #illness #treatment #medicine #government
It is often argued that the
government
 should finance committees that
controls
Change the verb form
control
show examples
 wellness issues
instead
 of spending
money
 on
medicine
 and
treatments
.
Although
 I believe that the state investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 early health issues
prevention
 communities
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a significant role in human
life
. I think that
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
proper funding
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
 stuff has a crucial
part
 of its society. On the one hand, the
government
 should definitely allocate a large
part
 of its budget to
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 problems
prevention
 process.
This
 economic sector determines the overall quality of
life
its
Change preposition
of its
show examples
 citizens, because healthy people
important
Add an article
an important
show examples
part
 of the
country
Change noun form
country's
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 development
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if they do not
well
Add a missing verb
do well
show examples
 that the country
face
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faces
show examples
 economical failure,
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
 that quality
of
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apply
show examples
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 available to all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
citizen irrespective of their income and social status, that the
government
 must enforce
law
Add an article
the law
show examples
 for food manufacturers. The reason is that trade
foods
has
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have
show examples
 inappropriate ingredients.
As a result
,
over
Change preposition
of
show examples
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
these
Change preposition
of these
show examples
foods
 people become sick,
therefore
, the
government
 should establish rules and regulations for food manufacturing companies, that way can prevent unhealthy food enter to markets as well as it would help to reduce
medicine
consumers
Replace the word
consumption
show examples
.
For instance
,
Mexico
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Mexico's
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 authority implement
Add an article
the law
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law
Correct article usage
a law
show examples
 for
prevention
Correct article usage
the prevention
show examples
morbid
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of morbid
show examples
foods
 consumption
for
Change preposition
by
show examples
 children
On the other hand
, spending
money
 on
medicine
 and
treatments
 is not a waste of
money
, it has an integral
part
 of its society
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
medicine
 and
treatments
 can utilize immediate disease, that way can give
life
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their lives. Especially major
disease
Fix the agreement mistake
diseases
show examples
 like mental illness, that
medicine
 and
treatments
 are compulsory for them, that way, the state should adequately finance
medicine
.
For example
,
counseling
Change the spelling
counselling
show examples
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 capabilities
for
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to
show examples
prevent
Change the verb form
preventing
show examples
 depression.
Hence
, meditation would aid to improve their healthy
life
. In conclusion, after a thorough analysis of the topic, the authority should spend a large
part
 of its budget on
Correct article usage
the diseases
show examples
diseases
Change the noun form
disease
show examples
prevention
 process, I think spending
money
 on
medicine
 is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
vital
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 its society.
Submitted by Sasha on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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