IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #success #universities #factors
There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over how to become a high–achiever.
While
 some claim that getting to institutions is the sole tactic to become fruitful, the opposite makes a statement that it has heavy dependence on various factors.
While
 each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned facets. Without a shadow of a doubt, entering
colleges
Fix the agreement mistake
college
show examples
 brings a decent impact on people’s high accomplishments. In
this
 day and age, people are living in a society which relies on degrees, particularly, corporations whether prestigious or diminutive all require the diploma from top-rank universities of their candidates.
For instance
, students from reputed ones in Vietnam
such
 as National Economics University or Foreign Trade University frequently have higher opportunities to be recruited by leading firms like Vin Group or FPT.
Thus
, being accessible to tertiary education plays a paramount significant role in becoming successful.
While
 the redeeming features of enrolling in colleges are widely acknowledged, the fruitfulness of people has a heavy dependence on other elements, especially negotiation skills since when they have these skills, they will rapidly make value for businesses without wasting training time. To be more precise, if a person masters negotiation skills, they can make a deal with customers by convincing them to use the service or purchase the product of their enterprises without any difficulty.
Therefore
, skill sets prove itself as a tremendous benefit for their high achievements. In conclusion,
while
 getting into an academy is necessary for people to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 in life, there is a wealth of alternative elements which bring enormous influence on achieving success.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Focus on developing a clear thesis statement in your introduction to directly address the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement.
task achievement
Enhance the clarity and strength of your argument by using more specific examples and evidence to support your points. Try to incorporate real-world examples or statistical data where possible.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your essay well-organized by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences within a paragraph are coherently linked to this main idea.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between your ideas more clearly.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: