IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry . Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

#spite #advances #agriculture #people #world #case
With the progress of technology, many industries are growing up in all over the world.
for
Capitalize word
For
show examples
 example ,agriculture is being mechanised and we earn more commodities.but many
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 do have not enough
food
 yet. Agriculture is developing every day and commodities are being more and more but somebodies are hungry .it is true that
food
 product is
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
but we have to attention that the Birth rate is growing
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and that rate is bigger than the rate of
food
 product so
Food
 does not reach deprived
areas
 and
people
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there
have
Add a missing verb
do have
show examples
 not enough
food
.
also
 sometimes humans from certain
areas
 have poor earth and they can’t farm and
in addition
 to that they do have no money to buy
food
.for
Rephrase
apply
show examples
,example
٫peoples
Correct your spelling
people
 of central Africa are unable to farm and they are poor so most of the time they do have not anything to eat . The solution to
this
 problem that many
people
 do have not any
food
 maybe being with the global organization but we can help them by
thrift
Correct your spelling
thrifting
show examples
 the use of
food
.
although
 we can make a company and receive
people
’s help and
then
 send it to deprived
areas
,
also
 we can help charity institutions that their ability is
helping
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 poor
people
.
instead
, we can give them money to buy
food
 for hungry peoples.
anyway
Capitalize word
Anyway
show examples
, the government have to help solve
this
 problem because
this
 problem needs wealthy ability. In conclusion, we find that growing farming and products aren’t enough for all the
people
 and still in some
areas
people
 are being hungry.It has some reasons and some solutions that we analyzed
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by Fa Ha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic and provides clear supporting details and examples.
Coherence and Cohesion
Organize the essay with clear introduction and conclusion. Use cohesive devices to connect ideas within and between sentences.
Lexical Resource
Use a wider range of vocabulary to express ideas more precisely and avoid repetition.
Grammatical Range
Pay attention to sentence structure and use a variety of sentence types. Review the use of punctuation and verb forms.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: