IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The restoration of old buildings in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of money. This money would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#restoration #buildings #cities #world #costs #amounts #money #road #development
The restoration of old
buildings
 in major cities around the world costs enormous amounts of
money
.
This
money
 would be better spent on providing new housing and road development. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Nowadays one of the widely discussed issues is that government should stop spending a significant amount of
money
 on the restoration of ancient
buildings
.
Instead
, they ought to spend the
money
 to build new homes and better roads. In my opinion, the government should pay more attention to replacing old and historical
buildings
 since they play an important role to conserve culture and encourage
tourism
.
This
 essay will examine both pros and cons of
this
 controversial issue.
First
 and foremost, there are a number of significant advantages of rebuilding old
buildings
 and one of them is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 ancient houses may be a treatment for society since their appearance looks outdated and
also
 can be risky to the environment,
therefore
 replacing these
buildings
 we will be able to save the culture and the history of a country.
Moreover
, developing historical temples or old
buildings
 helps to increase the certain country’s economy since they are considered one of the major factors and attractions of developing
tourism
.
For instance
, a number of countries have boosted their economy with the aid of
tourism
 by just modernizing outdated
buildings
. Turning to the other side of the argument, despite the obvious benefits of
this
 development, there are
also
 some advantages of
this
.
Firstly
, the budget which the government is using to reconstruct the ancient
buildings
 is
also
 can be utilized for the purpose of building new modern houses or roads since well-constructed highways can bring wide access to the cities that have a tendency for traffic jams. To conclude having everything mentioned , I can come to the conclusion that renovation of old
buildings
 may require an enormous amount of
money
,
,,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
however
Add a comma
,however
show examples
 it is extremely beneficial as
this
 will bring more
tourism
 income.
Submitted by Premium Version on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: