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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

in order to succeed, people require certain personality traits. what are these traits? what else is needed

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There are a couple of fundamental characteristics which lead
people
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 to find
success
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 in
life
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 which can be noted as responsibility along determination.
However
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,
success
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also
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 requires a fair share of
luck
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 combined with some social networking. In terms of personality, if
one
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 is both responsible and ambitious,
they
Correct pronoun usage
one
show examples
 should be able to reach triumph in
life
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.
In other words
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, a person who can manage themselves in
life
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 is often the same
one
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 who finds themselves in a position where
success
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 is around the corner
due to
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 how they present themselves in their affairs. Being determined,
on the other hand
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, is a passive skill which guides
people
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 towards their goals.
This
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 trait is
one
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 that can be found in any successful individual, from Bill Gates to Elon Musk;
people
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 who have set their goals on a certain task, accomplished it and now their lives are in the history books. To be successful,
one
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 cannot rely solely on their character, but
also
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 on
life
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’s unfathomable
luck
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 and
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people
Correct article usage
the people
show examples
 they interact with. As for
luck
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, a lot of
success
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 stories have a similar factor, simply being a the
right
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 place at the
right
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 time.
This
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 can be seen in a lot of movies, where the stories only make sense when
one
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 small piece of
luck
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 enables the main character to find their dream.
Additionally
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, the
people
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 you know can
also
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 influence greatly on where your
life
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 ends up. To illustrate, by knowing the
right
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 person, and befriending them,
one
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 could gain a position in a company based on friendship alone, not necessarily requiring any skills
besides
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 their own social ones. In conclusion, in order to find
success
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,
one
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 needs to take charge of their
life
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’s path, by not just waiting for lucky opportune moments, but
also
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 getting to know the
right
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people
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 on their desired road to
success
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. If
one
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 desires
success
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,
one
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 must navigate
this
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 world with a clear goal.

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General
Your essay provides a clear introduction of the topic and supports the argument with relevant details throughout. To further elevate your score, consider diversifying your sentence structures to heighten the sophistication of your writing.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This could be achieved by using varied transitional phrases.
Task Achievement
You've done a fantastic job responding to the task, offering comprehensive insights into the necessary traits and other elements for success. For added depth, incorporating a broader range of examples and perhaps contrasting viewpoints could enrich your discussion.
Task Response
You articulated the required personality traits for success with clarity and conviction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, making it easy to follow your argument.
Conclusion
You effectively concluded your essay, summarizing the key points convincingly.
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