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Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Some
people
 argued that
flora
 and fauna’s extinction is the most imperative issue to solve,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 think there are many other global
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issues
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
show examples
 be settled.
Although
 I believe
flora
 and fauna’s extinction is an emergency
problem
, I tend to think
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problem
 is more significant than that. On the one hand, there are several reasons why the
reducing
Replace the word
reduction
show examples
 in the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
animals
 and
plants
 became a significant issue.
First
 of all,
flora
 and fauna increase biodiversity.
Animals
 and
plants
 can supply our basic
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
,
such
 as food, production resources and
industry
Replace the word
industrial
show examples
 raw material.
People
 may
cannot
Remove a modal verb
not
show examples
 live without them.
In addition
, they play a vital role in balancing the biosphere and
keep
Wrong verb form
keeping
show examples
 ecological balance. If
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
destroy
Change the verb form
destroys
show examples
 these, there will have lots of bad impacts.
For example
, without some birds, there will appear too many pests. That means a huge loss in
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
show examples
.
However
, I
in
Add a missing verb
am in
show examples
 favour of there are still more imperative
problem
 need to solve. Above all, the decrease
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
types
Correct article usage
the types
show examples
 of
animals
 and
plants
 is caused by other
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. Extreme weather and global warming will cause the extinction of
animals
 and
plants
.
For instance
, because
global
Change preposition
of global
show examples
 warming, polar bears are in
dangerous
Replace the word
danger
show examples
. The melting glaciers can contribute to
homeless
Correct article usage
the homeless
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 of polar bears.
Therefore
, if humans can start to prevent
higher
Add an article
the higher
show examples
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
show examples
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the world, they can protect
flora
 and fauna simultaneously.
Additionally
, if other global
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issue will not be settled,
this
 affect
people
,
animals
 and
plans’
Change noun form
plans
show examples
 lives directly. If the possibility of extreme weather rise, there will have drought, tornado and flood. Humans cannot live
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
earth. All the lives of species
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
earth will be damaged.
Therefore
, solving other
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
 issues
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 urgent
affairs
Fix the agreement mistake
affair
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
protect
Wrong verb form
protecting
show examples
 species is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 essential
things
Change the noun form
thing
show examples
 for
people
, I tend to believe there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 pressing
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 waiting for
people
 to figure out.
Submitted by chenyanbing668 on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: