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Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people who commit crimes should be treated the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #crimes #adults
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The number of juvenile delinquencies has been increasing in recent years. It is said that young
offenders
Use synonyms
 should have the same treatment as their adult counterparts. In my opinion,
although
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 doing so can be beneficial to an extent,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 completely disagree with
this
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 statement for
number
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a number
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 of reasons which will be outlined below On the one hand, it is undeniable that treating juvenile criminals the same way as adult ones will bring more justice to the victims' families.
For example
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: when a juvenile delinquent commits a serious crime,
such
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 as murder, and is only given a light sentence, it will make the families of victims feel resentful because the punishment for their loved ones' deaths is not justified.
On the other hand
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, there are 2 disadvantages to treating criminals the same regardless
Correct your spelling
of
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or
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of
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 their ages.
Firstly
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, juvenile law-breakers are unaware of the consequences of the acts they have performed. They still have not acquired an adequate amount of knowledge to understand that their action may cause
harms
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harm
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 for others.
As a result
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, I believe that prisons should act as a method to teach them right from wrong rather than punish them harshly for what they have done.
Secondly
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, incarcerating young
offenders
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 for a long makes it harder for them to find a job when they are released.
Therefore
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, there's a high chance that they will be imprisoned again since nobody wants to recruit them and it is impossible for them to make a living. In fact, a recent report from a police department in the US showed that 80% of
juvenile
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a juvenile
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delinquent
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delinquents
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 return to prisons after they are freed.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
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 statistics
indicates
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicate
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 that a mistake can cost young
offenders
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 their lives if treated
similarly
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 to adult ones In conclusion,
although
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 making young
offenders
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 receive a similar treatment as their older counterparts can be more justified towards the victims' families,
i
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I
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 believe that they should be given a chance to learn from their mistakes
Submitted by vuhuelinh578 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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