IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

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Nowadays a lot of
countries
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 have good advances in agricultural sphere. But inspite
this
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, big amount of
people
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 all over the world don't get enough level of
food
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. They go hungry, and it is a big
problem
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 of our civilization. In
this
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 essay will be examined the reasons why it is so, and ways to solve
this
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problem
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. In my opinion, the case of being some part of our humanity hungry causes by present politics and level of developing of each
country
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. We know that many
countries
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 of African continentn have to survive, because they have not good economics, and budgets. At these
countries
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 many
people
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 can not find a job, and have to work hard to buy some
food
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, or to produce it. Another reason is the climate: if it is too hot, and almost no rains, it it hard to improve agriculture and grow fruits, vegetables and seeds in
this
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country
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. Thats why
food
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 is not enough: Goverments have no money to improve agriculture and to advance another different parts of incomes,
such
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 as tourism, making goods on factories, import them - the citizens of that
countries
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 have to stay hungry. I think that to solve
this
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problem
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 we have two ways. On the
one
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 hand, developed
countries
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, like USA. Canada, Australia and European
countries
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 should write a programme for improving poor states of Africa and another poor
countries
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 and help them to by finance, or by sending there good specialists. Another way is to lose independence of that
countries
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 and becoming a part of developed states like Japan, South Korea and Singapore or China. I think the
last
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one
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 could make any poor
country
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 to become a developed
one
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.
On the other hand
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, the second way of solving the
problem
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 is to migrate a half part of
people
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 of African
country
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 to a developed state, and may be
food
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 and products should be enough for the rest half. In conclusion, there are a lot of different problems in the world. And we examined
one
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 of them at
this
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 essay. In spite of advances in developed
countries
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, we still have hungry
people
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, who can not find
food
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 and some of them even die. It is awful situation, and I hope that Governments of leader states should try to solve it in nearest 10 years.

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task response
Task Achievement: The essay does not fully address the task. It focuses on the problems but lacks a thorough exploration of the reasons and solutions for the issue of hunger. It is important to address all aspects of the prompt in a balanced manner.
coherence cohesion
Coherence & Cohesion: The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, it lacks coherence and cohesion due to repetitive and unclear ideas. It needs to use cohesive devices to connect ideas and avoid repetition for better coherence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
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