IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

If people could choose between a life without working or a life spending too much time working, people would choose a life without work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #life #time #work
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In today’s modern life, if allowed to
select
Verb problem
choose
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 between a life without
work
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 and a
hard-
Correct your spelling
hard work
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work
Use synonyms
 life,
people
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 usually choose the former. In my opinion, I think
people
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 should learn how to balance between
work
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 and rest. On the one hand, not having to
work
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 can be beneficial
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due to
Change preposition
for
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 several reasons.
Firstly
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, when individuals do not have to put most of their mind and
time
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 into
work
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, they will appreciate their family
time
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.
This
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 means that all the family members can share their thoughts and interests together.
As a result
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, they could forge their family bonds.
Secondly
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, more
time
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 can be used for self-discovery.
This
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 is mainly because
people
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 may have a lot of
time
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 to find what they want and pursue their passions,
such
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 as music and art.
On the other hand
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, there are some benefits if
people
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 try to
work
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 hard.
To begin
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 with, a stable job will provide
people
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 with an income which can be used for personal needs.
This
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 is mainly because
people
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 would have money or savings to afford medical treatments for themselves
as well as
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 for their family and basic needs
such
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 as housing and food.
Moreover
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, working hard and effectively will help develop the country's economy.
For example
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, thanks to the hard
work
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 and efforts of each Japanese citizen and the Japanese government, their economy has become one of the leading economic sectors in the world. In conclusion,
people
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 should maintain a balance between rest and
work
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 so that they can not only contribute to the development of the economy and solve financial problems
,
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apply
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 but
also
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 spend
time
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 taking care of their families and themselves.
Submitted by huynhtrucminhthu39 on

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coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clear, consider elaborating more on your conclusion to reinforce your stance.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, which can add depth and clarity to your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a good balance between the introduction and conclusion, which supports the argument effectively.
task achievement
The arguments for both not working and working hard are well-reasoned, providing a balanced perspective on the issue.
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