IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

If people could choose between a life without working or a life spending too much time working, people would choose a life without work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today’s modern life, if allowed to
select
Verb problem
choose
show examples
 between a life without
work
Use synonyms
 and a
hard-
Correct your spelling
hard work
show examples
work
Use synonyms
 life,
people
Use synonyms
 usually choose the former. In my opinion, I think
people
Use synonyms
 should learn how to balance between
work
Use synonyms
 and rest. On the one hand, not having to
work
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial
Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 several reasons.
Firstly
Linking Words
, when individuals do not have to put most of their mind and
time
Use synonyms
 into
work
Use synonyms
, they will appreciate their family
time
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 means that all the family members can share their thoughts and interests together.
As a result
Linking Words
, they could forge their family bonds.
Secondly
Linking Words
, more
time
Use synonyms
 can be used for self-discovery.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because
people
Use synonyms
 may have a lot of
time
Use synonyms
 to find what they want and pursue their passions,
such
Linking Words
 as music and art.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some benefits if
people
Use synonyms
 try to
work
Use synonyms
 hard.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, a stable job will provide
people
Use synonyms
 with an income which can be used for personal needs.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because
people
Use synonyms
 would have money or savings to afford medical treatments for themselves
as well as
Linking Words
 for their family and basic needs
such
Linking Words
 as housing and food.
Moreover
Linking Words
, working hard and effectively will help develop the country's economy.
For example
Linking Words
, thanks to the hard
work
Use synonyms
 and efforts of each Japanese citizen and the Japanese government, their economy has become one of the leading economic sectors in the world. In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 should maintain a balance between rest and
work
Use synonyms
 so that they can not only contribute to the development of the economy and solve financial problems
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 spend
time
Use synonyms
 taking care of their families and themselves.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are clear, consider elaborating more on your conclusion to reinforce your stance.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, which can add depth and clarity to your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a good balance between the introduction and conclusion, which supports the argument effectively.
task achievement
The arguments for both not working and working hard are well-reasoned, providing a balanced perspective on the issue.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: