IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

It is thought that team
sports
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 offer a range of advantages as opposed to individual
sports
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. Personally, I strongly believe that both types of
sports
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 have their own benefits and
players
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 can choose which
sports
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 they wish to play
for
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apply
show examples
depending on their necessity. Team
sports
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such
Linking Words
 as football and basketball have a number of merits. Those who play in a group can develop their interpersonal
skills
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such
Linking Words
 as social interactions and communication
skills
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, which not only help day-to-day people's lives but
also
Linking Words
 their workplace.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
sports
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 provide a sense of unity, which will add value to athletes' lives by being empathetic and resourceful to each other. Another crucial point is gaining a reputation for them is much easier.
For instance
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, Many football
players
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such
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 as Messi are not only famous because of their extreme
skills
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, but
also
Linking Words
due to
Linking Words
 their teams.
On the other hand
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, Individual
sports
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also
Linking Words
 have their positive prospects
such
Linking Words
 as swimming and tennis. The main one is that individual
players
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 only rely on themselves.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it helps them to manage their emotions, cope with their stress, and build confidence and self-esteem. Another potential benefit is that they need to build strong mindsets
while
Linking Words
 they play. Because they do not have support from their teammates, self-reliance and self-belief are the most essential traits for their success. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
such
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sports
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 provide a wide range of advantages. Teammates can improve their social and communicative
skills
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while
Linking Words
 individual
players
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 build their self-confidence and deal with undue stress.

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task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments, especially when discussing the benefits of team sports and individual sports. For instance, you can include studies or statistics that demonstrate the impact of teamwork on personal development.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly differentiate the two views in the introduction, possibly by rephrasing the statement to emphasize the opposing opinions before stating your own view. This would enhance clarity and set the stage for the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Improve the flow of your paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases to connect ideas within and between sentences. For example, words like 'however', 'in addition', or 'on the other hand' can help clarify your comparisons.
content
Clear expression of personal opinion with a balanced view of both types of sports.
language
Good use of varied vocabulary and phrases, making the writing more engaging to read.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
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