Parents of obese children should be punished for making them obese. Do you agree or disagree
There is no doubt that these days obesity has been considered
as
one of the most health issues among Change preposition
apply
the
children. Many people believe that Correct article usage
apply
the
parents are responsible Correct article usage
apply
about
Change preposition
for
this
problem. I disagree with that,
because obesity is a disease which can be due to two reasons. Eating a lot of junk foods and not doing enough exercise.
As can be seen, Remove the comma
apply
the
eating habits across the world Correct article usage
apply
is
changing and fast Correct subject-verb agreement
are
food
Is becoming more popular and trending. Eating Add an article
a burger
burger
, French fries, Fix the agreement mistake
burgers
sweet
and so many Fix the agreement mistake
sweets
others
junk products become more popular especially amount the young age group. These products are becoming part of our daily life and they have great marketing and selling strategies. Correct quantifier usage
other
For example
, McDonalds
is not providing Change to a genitive case
McDonald's
food
it’s
Change the verb form
it also gives
also
gives free toys with some meals for kids and this
thing is become more attractive for children and increased there
Correct your spelling
their
demand
for Add an article
a demand
such
a kind of foods
.
Fix the agreement mistake
food
However
, exercise is one of the major factor
Change to a plural noun
factors
of
losing weight and it’s become more effective when combined with healthy Change preposition
in
food
. Recently, the field of technology has developed and produced so many amazing devices such
as personal computer
, PlayStation and mobile phones, which makes kids spend so long hours sitting in front of these with not doing any activities Fix the agreement mistake
computers
for
playing games, watching movies and YouTube. Change preposition
like
This
lead to decrease
the outdoor activities in their daily life.
In conclusion, fast Correct article usage
a decrease
food
and lacking of
activity and daily exercise is responsible for Remove the preposition
apply
children
obesity. Change noun form
children's
Correct your spelling
Therefore
Therefor
, the parents have to motivate them to Correct your spelling
Therefore
workout
and provide healthy Correct your spelling
work out
food
as much as they could during the day but, they can’t be punished if they fail to do it.Submitted by dr.waad.fahad on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite