Parents of obese children should be punished for making them obese. Do you agree or disagree

#parents #children

There is no doubt that these days obesity has been considered

Change preposition

apply

show examples

one of the most health issues among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

children. Many people believe that

the

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apply

show examples

parents are responsible

about

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for

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this

problem. I disagree with that

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apply

show examples

because obesity is a disease which can be due to two reasons. Eating a lot of junk foods and not doing enough exercise. As can be seen,

the

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apply

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eating habits across the world

Correct subject-verb agreement

are

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changing and fast

food

Is becoming more popular and trending. Eating

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a burger

show examples

burger

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burgers

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, French fries,

sweet

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sweets

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and so many

others

Correct quantifier usage

other

show examples

junk products become more popular especially amount the young age group. These products are becoming part of our daily life and they have great marketing and selling strategies.

For example

McDonalds

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McDonald's

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is not providing

food

it’s

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it also gives

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also

gives free toys with some meals for kids and

this

thing is become more attractive for children and increased

there

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their

show examples

demand

Add an article

a demand

show examples

for

such

a kind of

foods

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food

show examples

However

, exercise is one of the major

factor

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factors

show examples

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show examples

losing weight and it’s become more effective when combined with healthy

food

. Recently, the field of technology has developed and produced so many amazing devices

such

as personal

computer

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computers

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, PlayStation and mobile phones, which makes kids spend so long hours sitting in front of these with not doing any activities

for

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show examples

playing games, watching movies and YouTube.

This

lead to

decrease

Correct article usage

a decrease

show examples

the outdoor activities in their daily life. In conclusion, fast

food

and lacking

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apply

show examples

activity and daily exercise is responsible for

children

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children's

show examples

obesity.

Correct your spelling

Therefore

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Therefor

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Therefore

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, the parents have to motivate them to

workout

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work out

show examples

and provide healthy

food

as much as they could during the day but, they can’t be punished if they fail to do it.

Submitted by dr.waad.fahad on Wed Oct 26 2022

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

obesity
genetics
socio-economic status
nutritional education
physical activity programs
adverse effects
mental health issues
responsibility sharing
implementation
privileged families
supportive environment
lifestyle changes
educational campaigns

What to do next:

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Parents of obese children should be punished for making them obese. Do you agree or disagree

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Public transportation is a great way to travel, particularly within a metropolis. The metro is the most convenient way to get around a city. Do you agree or disagree?

The education of young people is highly prioritized in many countries. However, educating adults who cannot write or read is even more important, and governments should spend more money on this. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In some countries, student pay their college or university fees, while in some others, the government pays for them. Do the advantages of governments paying for fees outweigh the disadvantages.

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for government. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people.