IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Nowadays people believe that governments should invest tax payers money in healthcare, others believe that money should be use in other areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #governments #tax #payers #money #healthcare #areas
In recent days, it is believed that
tax
 revenue should be invested in
healthcare
Add an article
the healthcare
show examples
 system by
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 while others argue that income should utilize in other places. The impending essay will
Correct your spelling
discuss
show examples
discus
Correct your spelling
discuss
show examples
 my view and
also
 both sides with a logical conclusion. There are multiple reasons why
Add an article
the community
show examples
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 should invest
tax
 income in
medicine
Replace the word
medical
show examples
 areas. To start with,
Correct your spelling
improving
moving
imorving
Correct your spelling
improving
 in
health
Add an article
the health
show examples
 system may contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 people's welfare because they do not need to pay a huge amount of money to
health
Correct your spelling
insurance
insurence
Correct your spelling
insurance
 companies or doctors.
For example
, if a person
book
Change the verb form
books
show examples
 an appointment with an expert doctor in the United state of America, they have to pay almost 300$ for the clinic fees.
However
, it is free of charge in Canada because of free
health
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 by
local
Add an article
the local
show examples
 state.
On the other hand
, there are certain individuals who think that government have to invest in public transportation
this
 is because it leads to a significant decrease in the level of traffic jams as an increasing number of people will utilize buses and trains,
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, spending
tax
 money in
agriculure
Correct your spelling
agriculture
 results in a dramatic decrease in the level of exportation from overseas. As a consequence,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
local products will be available for everyone.
For instance
, the Times has announced that in the few
last
 decades
Ontaria
Correct your spelling
Ontario
 exported 33 tons of fruits
such
 as
apple
Fix the agreement mistake
apples
show examples
 and pineapple from Brazil and it
costed
Correct your spelling
cost
show examples
 1
millions
Change to singular
million
show examples
dallars
Correct your spelling
dollars
. To conclude, in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 world, some residents argue that
tax
 money should be invested in
health
 organizations while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that improvement in
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
show examples
infra-structure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
show examples
 and agriculture are
crucial
Change the adjective
crucially
show examples
 important, in my view, local
Correct your spelling
authorities
autorities
Correct your spelling
authorities
 must spend
tax
 revenue
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 essential areas which are beneficial for people.
Submitted by suhailjallalzadah on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: