IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Shopping is now one of the most popular forms of leisure activity in many countries for young adults. What do you think is the reason for this? Is this a positive or negative developments?

#forms #leisure #activity #countries #adults #reason #developments
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days, there is a phenomenon situation that young
people
 all over the world would spend their
time
 shopping, while
this
 activity is becoming popular ,especially in developed countries. It is clearly a positive development to enhance the economy which is encouraged by advanced technology, as well as the living standard improvement due to the narrower connections between countries.
First
 of all, compared with the old days before the cell phone exists,
people
 could only go to the shops physically, and it will take more
time
 to include transportation, and
that is
 the reason discouraged shopping before the internet breakthrough. Thanks to the technology that we can surf the internet whenever we want,
people
 can learn about any new products by browsing social media, it is much easier and might just take them a few minutes to place an order. As a
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
result online shopping becomes a new practice ,especially for the young ones since they are more familiar with their lives relying on mobiles. The easily accessible purchase will eventually help boost the economy.
Secondly
, the living standard has improved due to the vigorous aviation industry.
People
 can select from the shops not only around their community but
also
 from the
merchant's
Change noun form
merchants
show examples
 thousands of miles away.
For example
, I do enjoy spending
time
 online shopping to purchase snacks and gifts, which could not be found locally, from Japanese websites, while the products can still be delivered in a week or so. It will generally enhance the demand for overseas products and boost the global economy; It
also
 helps the logistics industry to grow.
As a result
, bringing positive development to the world. In summary, shopping nowadays can be done at any
time
 at any place, it encourages internet users to spend their leisure
time
 surfing merchandise, while it changes the world with a positive influence.
Submitted by bennettshiu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: