Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
In several countries is normal for teenagers once finish school to enrol themselves on military
service
. Some people argue that this
policy is a good idea, as well as
included in these programs for women. However
, there are other groups that are against these laws. I completely agree with this
statement, which helps to adapt habits of discipline and respect for others, and the feeling of patriotism not just in men, as well as
women.
Nowadays, our society faces different problems like terrorism, wars, health issues etc. However
, one thing in common in each country when trying to attend to those problems is to support themselves in the army
forces. That decision is not just related to force and weapons, it is more to the preparation that each member of the army
had passed, which includes workout, but also
, discipline and service
to the community. Include mandatory military services for both genders, permits created a community more conscious about providing help to others and discipline and respect for public entities. For instance
, in Colombia where military service
is not optional, we can see that the people believe in democracy and respect the army
because have found support in them in the worst moments. It is for that that I agree with the idea that this
kind of policy should be adopted in other countries.
Furthermore
, there is no doubt that once you finish your service
, your ideas about your country have changed. After that, each person has the feeling of patriotism and the idea to work to improve their nation. Indeed, governments know that and we can see many policies related to veterans. For instance
, in North America, there exists a national holiday to celebrate Veterans Day, additionally
, the private sector adopts measures to highlight their labour, including their political benefits like discounts or preferences in case to apply for a job.
In conclusion, I completely agree that military service
should be compulsory for young men and women in all countries, which permits the consolidation of any society with its army
.Submitted by easocadaguica on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay needs a clearer structure. Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea, and use more transition words to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Although you have introduced the topic effectively, the conclusion should summarize the main points more comprehensively to provide a clear closing statement.
task achievement
Try to include more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your argument. Drawing on more varied and detailed examples can help make your points more compelling.
task achievement
You have raised important points about discipline, respect, and patriotism which uphold your argument well.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion do adequately frame the essay, giving the reader a sense of your argument's scope.