IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

with the increased global demand in oil and gas, undiscovered areas of the world should be opened up to access more recources. to what extend do you agree?

#demand #oil #gas #areas #world #access #recources
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There is no doubt that with the striking progress of technology ,human beings’ lives are highly
depended
Replace the word
dependent
show examples
 on
oil
 and
gas
 nowadays. With the growth of
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 use of
oil
 and
gas
, more and more areas should be opened up to extract them. I believe there are both advantages and disadvantages
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 adopting
such
 an approach. On the one hand,there are some benefits
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 opening up new places to extract
gas
 and
oil
.
Firstly
,
gas
 and
oil
 count as very indispensable sources nowadays, which are used in almost every industry. Dwindling these precious
resources
 might lead to catastrophic events and unprecedented crises.
For example
, disastrous wars might happen due to gaining more
resources
,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consequences could be miserable.
Secondly
, opening up new regions might provide the opportunity for human beings to discover new materials ,which could be unique to these virgin parts of the world.
For instance
, in the process of extraction , it is feasible that scientists
find
Fix the infinitive
to find
show examples
 a completely new resource which could be more beneficial to humans.
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
Therefor
Correct your spelling
Therefore
show examples
, searching
new
Change preposition
for new
show examples
 places for finding
gas
 and
oil
 could have some positive effects.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 opening up new areas . The
first
 setback is that by adopting
such
 an approach
Correct your spelling
in numerous
show examples
innumerous
Replace the word
numerous
show examples
 animals might lose their natural habitats , which could put a pressing strain on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
nature. Having their habitat been destroyed, a lot of marine animals might be at
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
risk of extinction .
Moreover
, extracting new
resources
 means using more
gas
 and
oil
 in the world , which its results could be harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 our planet. When new
resources
 are accessible, people could easily turn a blind eye
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 renewable
resources
, like solar or
wild
Correct your spelling
wind
show examples
 power, whereas if they do not take the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of
resources
 available for granted , there will be
more
Add an article
a more
show examples
 pressing need to move towards more environmentally friendly
resources
. As a
Correct the article-noun agreement
result
show examples
results
Add a comma
,results
show examples
 there are some negative points in discovering virgin places. To conclude,There is an uprising demand
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
resources
 related to
gas
 and
oil
 globally ,and in order to access more
resources
, new areas should be opened up. In my perception, there are both pros and cons
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 taking
such
 measures.
Submitted by saba.taraghi on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: