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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

To succeed in business, one needs to learn and know math. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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There is a debate on whether mathematics plays a crucial role in
business
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success
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. Some argue that it is essential for managing finances and making strategic decisions,
while
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 others believe practical skills and experience matter more. In my opinion,
while
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math
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 can be useful, it is not always a determining factor for
success
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 in
business
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.
Business
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success
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 has several aspects and one of them is mathematics.
Math
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 is essential for
business
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success
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 as it helps in financial management. For progressing the
business
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 financial planning requires the money
is
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to be
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 recorded in an account and used for these purposes.
For instance
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, marketing, future plans and salary of the workers to these maths
is
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are
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 needed,
as well as
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 large companies use financial models and statistical analysis and make informed decisions.
Therefore
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, having strong mathematical skills can be
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business’s
Correct article usage
a business’s
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 achievement. All in all, mathematics is not much more important and
also
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 in
business
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 it has other
crutal
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crucial
critical
 aspects than
math
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.
However
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, the growth of
business
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 depends on the leader,
what
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apply
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If businessmen
knows
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know
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rules
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the rules
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 of built
business
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 and
thinks
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think
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creative
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creatively
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,
as well as
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 grasping market dynamics and
does
Verb problem
are
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 not afraid make risk can to
reach
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take risks
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 to
succeeding
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succeed
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.
Also
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, many
business
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 owners do not know
math
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 but they achieve their aim as they hire accounts and financial experts.
For
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this
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reason
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reason,
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math
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 is not a significant factor in
business
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. In conclusion, most
business
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 owners do not handle complex calculations themselves, as they give
this
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 work to experts or technology.
Thus
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,
business
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success
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 relies more on strategic thinking, leadership, market insight, and decision-making.

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task achievement
Consider expanding your main points to provide clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Although you present some valid arguments, elaborating on them with additional details would strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs flow logically and are clearly linked. This can be improved by using more cohesive devices and ensuring clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your claims. This will help enhance the credibility of your arguments and provide a more complete response.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your opinion, which is a good start for an argumentative essay.
coherence and cohesion
You make a valid point about the role of leaders and creativity in business, showing an understanding that success involves multiple factors beyond just math.
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