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Band 5

Parents often give children everything ask for and do what they like. Is it good for children? What is the consequence when they grow up.

#parents #children #consequence
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In recent years, it is considered crucial to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
Use synonyms
demands
Correct article usage
the demands
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 of
children
Use synonyms
 as it shows love and
care
Change the verb form
cares
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 for them.
Although
Linking Words
 it is very good to provide everything yet fulfilling every demand can become a cause
of
Change preposition
apply
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careless attitude among
children
Use synonyms
. According to my point of view, there should be
check
Fix the agreement mistake
checks
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 and
balance
Fix the agreement mistake
balances
show examples
 in
upbringing
Correct article usage
the upbringing
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Use synonyms
children
Change preposition
of children
show examples
otherwise
Linking Words
 it will lead them to develop a selfish
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
. It is needless to say that in
this
Linking Words
 competitive era
parents
Use synonyms
 are doing their best to bring up
children
Use synonyms
, but the notion of providing everything should be considered wrong. It is the nature of
children
Use synonyms
 to desire
things
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 which they do not have,
even
Correct word choice
and even
show examples
 after having those
things
Use synonyms
 they do not care about
these
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
children
Use synonyms
 have
enormous
Add an article
an enormous
the enormous
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 wish to get play station because they are impressed by their
fellow’s
Change noun form
fellow
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 gadgets, after having play stations they lose interest and demand something
such
Linking Words
 as mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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, tablets and
laptop
Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they are impressed by their surroundings and try to get each and every luxury which sometimes their
parents
Use synonyms
 cannot afford. By fulfilling every
Use synonyms
demands
Change to a singular noun
demand
show examples
 rather than valuing people and societies,
children
Use synonyms
 are learning to love materialistic
things
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, giving every luxury to
children
Use synonyms
 can damage their
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
. Because it is human nature
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
 he gets everything without effort, he never values its importance.
In addition
Linking Words
 to it, there should be a reward system for
children
Use synonyms
 so that they behave well to get something. Bringing up
children
Use synonyms
 is not a piece of cake for
parents
Use synonyms
, to exemplify; it is noticed that
children
Use synonyms
 of financially affluent families are more indulged in social evils as compared to
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
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 families. The main reason behind
this
Linking Words
 ethical gap is their financial status and their
parents
Use synonyms
 provide them according to their
demands
Use synonyms
. Shortly, societies
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 never run for materialistic
things
Use synonyms
 are no place to live other than heaven. To sum up, providing everything to
children
Use synonyms
 might not be fruitful to some extent as
children
Use synonyms
 think it is their right that their
demands
Use synonyms
 get fulfilled.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they should be taught to put effort
for
Change preposition
into
show examples
 getting something so that they can lead a happy and prosperous life on their own
Submitted by misbahamzahir8 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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