IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many countries aim to improve their living standard by economic development, but some important social values are lost as a result. Do you think the advantages of economic development outweigh the disadvantages.

#countries #aim #development #values
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A lot of countries are using
a
Correct article usage
apply
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wealth creation as a tool to enhance their people’s life quality,
however
Add a comma
,however
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 there are losing their substantial core values of society.
This
 essay will examine
upsides
Correct article usage
the upsides
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 and downsides of the action and
then
 I will evaluate to weigh up which sides are more useful. As for, developments economically are the most rapid approach to
establish
Wrong verb form
establishing
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 many amenities for countries which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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 to effective infrastructures that everybody can apply
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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for their own affairs. Encouraging
in
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apply
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business may increase the employment rates of countries and it
indicate
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indicates
show examples
 that people are hired by many sectors, both the private and the public sectors.
Therefore
, they will have
a
Remove the article
apply
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life
security
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of security
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 and it
related
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is related
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 to their comfortable
livings
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living
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. Another benefit is social mobility which is the process
about
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of
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 someone who
gain
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gains
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 more money and
then
improve
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improves
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 their social status.
For example
, an industry in
city
Correct article usage
a city
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 could employ staff from a
surrounded
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surrounding
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 area so city dwellers are recruited by
factory
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a factory
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.
Consequently
, they receive a long-term profession with
sensible
Correct article usage
a sensible
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wage
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wages
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.
By contrast
, there are several drawbacks which gradually destroy our social culture.
Firstly
, in the future people will only concentrate on their possession namely, materialism and it can harm
a
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apply
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kindness between person to person because they focus on themselves and
purpose
Correct pronoun usage
their purpose
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 to earn a lot of money.
This
 trouble will not arise in recent
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
, but it would be a dramatic challenge
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 generations.
Moreover
, many problems in
Add an article
the relationship
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relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
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such
 as family,
friend
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friends
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,
Correct word choice
and couple
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couple
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couples
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 seem to
be occurred
Change to the active voice
occur
have occurred
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. When
human
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humans
show examples
Add a missing verb
are determine
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determine
Replace the word
determined
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 to generate something, they will lose something that they do not pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
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.
For instance
,
parents
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for parents
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 who spend time
to establish
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establishing
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 the business, their children might not have enough warmth and
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
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 may become
Correct article usage
a mental
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mental
Change the word
mentally
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 illness
consequently
. In conclusion, in my view I believe that
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 of economic development
is
Change the verb form
are
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 more necessary for our world situation, The national leaders should develop
an
Correct article usage
apply
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economic growth with
maintain
Change the verb form
maintaining
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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social values as the
second
priorities
Fix the agreement mistake
priority
show examples
.
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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
What to do next:
Look at other essays: