IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many research found that some food and drink products containing bad substance for human, therefore it must be banned from the market. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays unhealthy
food
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 and
drinks
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 are important aspects of lifestyle .
Therefore
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,many researchers suggest
to banned
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
food
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 and
drinks
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having
Change preposition
from having
show examples
 toxic ingredients.I completely agree with
this
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 point of view because some of packaging
food
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 and
drinks
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 plays an important role in causing diseases like obesity and
cancer
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. It is quite evident that public health and safety are one of the basic needs to be fulfilled by the government .
However
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, if the government encourage strict regulations and bans products with harmful substances can significantly reduce health-related issues
such
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 as chronic diseases , obesity and
cancer
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.
For instance
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, some countries like Qatar and Saudi Arabia strictly banned
alcohols
Fix the agreement mistake
alcohol
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 in their respective nation as alcohol is the key factor in spreading
cancer
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 and liver malfunctioning diseases.
As a result
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, these countries have a low rate of
cancer
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 patients.
Therefore
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according to
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 researchers all these toxic foods and
drinks
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 should be banned from the market.
On the other hand
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 , banning
food
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 and beverages having detrimental substances can encourage ethical business practices.
while
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 considering moral responsibility to ensure their products do not harm consumers can promote awareness and
hence
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, consumers are more likely to choose healthier alternatives and become more health-conscious.
for example
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, In India after banning all-purpose flour Maggie in the market encouraged
food
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 companies like 'Patanjali 'to replace these Maggie ingredients with wheat flour.
Therefore
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 these companies can pave the way for new, healthier markets to emerge. In conclusion, reducing the prevalence of harmful foods and
drinks
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 can significantly reduce health issues and encourage ethical business practices .
Therefore
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 government regulation and banns can force
food
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 and beverage companies to innovate and develop safer healthier products.

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task achievement
Be consistent with the use of articles (e.g., "the" before "government" in "the government encourage strict regulations").
task achievement
Expand on the discussion by providing more detailed examples and explanations to further support your points.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to improve the overall fluency of your writing.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, adequately framing the discussion points.
logical structure
The main points are well-organized and easy to follow, contributing to a logical structure.
supported main points
Relevant specific examples are used to support main points, such as the bans in Qatar and Saudi Arabia.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • safety regulations
  • chronic diseases
  • consumer awareness
  • health-conscious
  • healthcare systems
  • diet-related conditions
  • economic implications
  • ethical considerations
  • moral responsibility
  • government regulation
  • food and beverage companies
  • innovate
  • safer
  • healthier alternatives
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