Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.

The entertainment industry is one of the growing sectors in
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
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the world. Some think that the community who work in that industry earn too much money considering their bad influence on society, and I agree.
On the other hand
,
others
believe that their positive brunt on the rest is worth the money that they are paid. There is no doubt that
entertainment
Correct article usage
the entertainment
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business is an enormous and unfairly well-paid sector.
In addition
to that, members of it do not add real value, compared to
others
like,
for instance
, education workers.
Although
in some countries teachers live with unreasonable wages, their responsibility
,
Remove the comma
apply
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is extremely valuable for the
next
generations to become
better
Add an article
a better
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nation. Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly salary from
concert
Add an article
the concert
a concert
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. The other important point is, for a balanced and equal society, the difference between income levels must not be very high. Regardless that their contribution, no one should make billions of dollars that easily, because that imbalance does have a significant negative brunt on societies.
On the other hand
, some
society
Fix the agreement mistake
societies
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think that entertainers’ contribution to modern life is worth the money they earn. It can be understood that for many
family
Change to a plural noun
families
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, watching a movie or going to a concert is irreplaceable with other activities;
therefore
, they think that their positive impact is crucial for a significant proportion of folk.
In addition
to that, celebrities do compromise their privacy and freedom with being known by many
others
. In exchange for that, they do deserve a comfortable life with significantly better paychecks. In conclusion, despite their minimal contribution with their work to the community and sacrifice from their private life; I believe that their brunt is far from being positive and they are not paid fairly or balanced with
others
.
Submitted by jumly.mohamed on

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

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To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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