Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money that they make because of their positive effects on society. Discuss both opinions and give your own opinion.
The entertainment industry is one of the growing sectors in
all
the world. Some think that the community who work in that industry earn too much money considering their bad influence on society, and I agree. Correct determiner usage
apply
On the other hand
, others
believe that their positive brunt on the rest is worth the money that they are paid.
There is no doubt that entertainment
business is an enormous and unfairly well-paid sector. Correct article usage
the entertainment
In addition
to that, members of it do not add real value, compared to others
like, for instance
, education workers. Although
in some countries teachers live with unreasonable wages, their responsibility,
is extremely valuable for the Remove the comma
apply
next
generations to become better
nation. Whereas a singer can earn double their yearly salary from Add an article
a better
concert
. The other important point is, for a balanced and equal society, the difference between income levels must not be very high. Regardless that their contribution, no one should make billions of dollars that easily, because that imbalance does have a significant negative brunt on societies.
Add an article
the concert
a concert
On the other hand
, some society
think that entertainers’ contribution to modern life is worth the money they earn. It can be understood that for many Fix the agreement mistake
societies
family
, watching a movie or going to a concert is irreplaceable with other activities; Change to a plural noun
families
therefore
, they think that their positive impact is crucial for a significant proportion of folk. In addition
to that, celebrities do compromise their privacy and freedom with being known by many others
. In exchange for that, they do deserve a comfortable life with significantly better paychecks.
In conclusion, despite their minimal contribution with their work to the community and sacrifice from their private life; I believe that their brunt is far from being positive and they are not paid fairly or balanced with others
.Submitted by jumly.mohamed on
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite