IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries, owning a home rather than renting one is very important for people. Why might this be the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative situation?

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In certain parts of the world, it is seen as more essential to buy a home than letting from private landlords and companies
as a result
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 of a growing economy, mainly in the first world countries.
This
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 essay will argue that, despite the losses of workplaces as renting agencies will be forced to reduce staff, I personally believe that, the benefits of the increasing number of people purchasing their own properties outweigh the negative side. In developed states
such
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 as The US and Japan, having the financial capacity to acquire a home in comparison to renting provides a certain level of stability, especially when it comes to families with young children who are prone to excessive relocations. Another advantage of
this
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 case is the freedom to improve or alter the residency as desired to give the personal touch that makes it more enjoyable for the whole family.
Therefore
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, homeownership can be closely related to the individual´s quality of life.
For example
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, in a country like Norway, which is one the wealthiest countries in the world, almost 80 % of its population are homeowners. The rising number of property owners can for some sectors of society have a negative impact. Private landlords and letting agencies are examples of those, where their main income resources can
then
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 be dramatically reduced if the market shrinks.
Consequently
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, big corporations will have to decrease the number of employees, which leads to higher unemployment in the community and fewer taxpayers for the government.
However
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, the authorities are the ones responsible for creating enough work for the citizens, no individuals should have to worry about how other people should obtain sufficient income. In conclusion, the majority of the earth's population would rather purchase their place of residency when financially capable, particularly those who live in affluent countries. In my opinion, the advantages of a person owning his or her house triumph over the negative effect it may have on some sectors.

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Task Response
Task Response: The essay lacks clear analysis of the reasons why owning a home is important for people. It briefly mentions stability and freedom to improve the residency, but these points are not developed in depth. It also fails to address the prompt by not discussing whether owning a home is a positive or negative situation. The essay needs to fully address all parts of the task prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay attempts to have a general logical structure, but there are some points that lack development and depth. The introduction and conclusion are present, but they are not strong and lack a clear summary and restatement of the main points. The essay makes some attempt to support the main points, but the development of these points is not thorough. To improve coherence and cohesion, use more explicit transitions and ensure that each paragraph follows a clear structure with a topic sentence and supporting details.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • ownership
  • renting
  • importance
  • sense of security
  • stability
  • financial investment
  • asset
  • customize
  • decorate
  • belonging
  • community
  • potential
  • future generations
  • long-term
  • cost advantage
  • control
  • living space
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